God I loved Ozzie Smith. He was my favorite player. That diving play he made where the ball changes course and he bare-hands it. Just amazing. Wizardly, even.

"Does a clay pot dare argue with its maker, a pot that is like all the others? Does the clay ask the potter what he is doing? Does the pot complain that its maker has no skill?"

Reminds me of the Anger character's (voiced by Lewis Black) reaction to broccoli on pizza: "Congratulations San Francisco, you've ruined Pizza! First the Hawaiians, and now YOU"

Non-union, Mexican equivalent.

We used to crank call people and play snippets of tracks from that album into the receiver. One of them (maybe the Spanish Teacher one?) had much more violent beating sounds at the end. I think we used that one the most.

There's always insertion with puppets.

I guess it's smart. But there's no limit to human creativity in the field of personal insults. You can't possibly own them all.

The bass drop is coming from inside the house!

Everybody knows J.S. Bach did his best stuff while high.

A friend and I (don't look at me like that, I have friends) were trading hypothetical cover band names back and forth via text. He won the day with "Knot Braid".

Ouch. One time, at band camp*, some friends and I were hiking in Durango. We came all the way down to the train pickup from the Chicago Basin. It all went fine, until I realized too late that I had rubbed my inner-thigh/crotch area completely raw going downhill. Didn't pack powder or anything. It was the one of the…

It seemed like to me (having only seen Berlin and Munich) that there were lots of options (Thai, pizza, doner kebabs, curry), they just didn't like the heat much. We actually had a hard time finding really traditional German fare that tourists would look for. I know they must be bored with rouladen and pickled…

Seems like there ought to already be a well-worn standup comedy bit about Vienna sausages being so dire when their right next to all the wonderful kielbasa, bratwurst, and weisswurst.

Maybe try some baby powder. If really red, Desitin seems to work on diaper rash.

He/she seems much larger, but he/she's actual size.

I'm a resource! Treat me with dignity!

Body armor. How cute.

Now I wanna see Jim Carrey with 50 lbs of muscle and his Number 23 face pulling out cheesy Shwartzenegger lines.

Ah. Dublin Dr. Pepper. I miss it. I stopped myself from drinking it years ago, and then they stopped producing it. Only upside is the plant still produces soda made with real sugar and has a very small distribution area which I find myself in. Their generic cokes (the Texican generic term for soda, pop, etc.) are…

When Mrs. Jive and I went to Germany we had the exact same thought:
"Let's never leave! I don't see any Mexican food anywhere! We can just live here, open a restaurant and live forever in perfect bliss!"