Ha! Good luck with that.

Only if there is a flamboyant best friend who is a hairdresser.

*falls backward onto fainting couch*

If more people don't start contributing, this pun thread is really going to come up short.

Or is it!?

He really got shafted.

These numbers nerds are all the rage right now, but I tell ya, traditional scouting and the eye-test is where it's at. Geeks.

Hey, you've already reached your Boston sports insult limit for this article!

He'll be fresh for the postseason! (Wait a second…)

That rotation is a murder's row!

I'm a one tool guy, but boy do I know how to use it!

Tricky Ricky!

I'm gonna need some alone time…

"Juuuust a bit outside…"

Irate Red Sox fan: HEY, PECKAH HEAD, THAT IS SO… true. *silently weeps*

WHOA! Whoa. Oh, I see what you did there.

I'm sorry, but yes, you've wasted your life.

Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly are going to be so disappointed.

*adjusts corset*

*farts*