Tyler Perry's Confessions of  A Guy Who Talked To Some Lady With In A Smock At A Whole Foods And Thought He Rented A Cottage For The Weekend But Really Just Bought 16 Ounces Of Cottage Cheese But Whole Foods So The Price Was Actually Not Far Off For A Weekend Getaway.

Some Random Arsehole wants some random arsehole to come out of some random varghole.

I remember how hot those goddam leather seats would get. I remember bouncin around tryin not to scorch in those super short bright ass green with white border 80s shorts. I remember Mom drivin down the shore on the parkway and stretchin my arm forward far as can be just to get a coupla fingers out that front window to…

Every time you talk I picture you 8 yrs old eating thin mints and for w/e reason your mom is friends with Laura Linney and she comes over for meatloaf and sees you watching Congo and gets all mad and shoves you in the VCR and then you wander around the forest and finally end up at the coastline and your mom messes…

Same here except sub in Worlds Most Expensive Watches for F&G.

Our second date we actually did do empanadas with art and watched Yer 2 Mamas Tambourine which wuz ok despite all the jigglin. It's a weird movie to install into a dvd seat player in the back of a VW 1987 rabbit cuz you're honkin and sweatin thru the parade, undies ridin up the ol pantalonies and the mexican shredded…

ColdGottaBeez

Redux is a double stack of Harvest Nut Grain IHOP pancakes with margarine, original is Brioche French Toast with maple butter.

I wuz just wondering this same exact thing about pizza bagels the other day.

I wanna read their review of Happiness.

Last yr on April Fools day I went over Grammys house and taped a cut-out of Robert Redford from The Electric Horseman on all her food packages. She wuz most confused about Newman's popcorn cuz she thought it meant Butch died at the end but Kid got away and opened a snack company. Also Quaker Oats cuz she thought it…

The St Pancras Old Church excavaction!

Come over K Thrace! We're having Chilled Borscht with blueberry emulsion and shaved crackers over mango froth.

I have triscuits, basmati rice, neon blue icee pops, some mango licorice and Rachel Rays Rusty Wrinkled Russian Dressing. What should I make?!

Lurkin around the lodge, chattin up vaguely lonely soccer moms, 1/12 who will show you their slopeside condo, 3/12 who actually will go home and watch Barton Fink and be all 'wtf Dan Connor got weird what wuz up with that craig weirdo', 8/12 whos kids will run in right as your makin a weird spinal tap joke about…

Just when you fall down, picture all yer AV-Pals all around you. Captain Dada up in that tree making fun of the branches. PVC hiding behind that shrub, scared of getting pummeled. MBS makin a Bill Murray snowman. Fastandsloppy wakin up his wife as she drifts off the side of the mountain. Hipsterdbag cryin in the fetal…

At least you didnt wake up in the hot tub in duck pajamas at 7am with brussel sprouts in your pocketz.

Yeah and its a surprise party of zero that Judge Ito got passed over for late night for like 22 years running now. I guess a Japanese man quoting Simpsons references in a black cape sitting in a highchair smashing a mallet is not ok still but low and behold Robert Duvall can come to NYC for a few dayz and all of a…

Says the man who will one day die in a town that only haz 0.11% Pacific Islanders claiming residence in it!

Aaa Don't Worry
AAA Be Married To Nathan Rabin