Paul Pfeiffer wuz always on set cuz Letterman let him tag along but everytime Letterman had a line Paul would play a keyboard riff with one hand and stick the other hand in the air like he wuz waiting for the hi-five from Elliot Gould but Elliot wuz'nt around, he wuz looking for cat food.

Your butt prob acts all the time! My butt does!

Old Milwaukee didn't have Will Feral. It had 9000 Mexican people who walked all the way there, subsistering on beer cheese soup, and then walked all the way back to Mexiland when they learned there were no strawberries.

Hey Beatneck!

Cottage cheese in my cereal when I iz wakin at 3 PM
Stick a ham inside a melon at 5 and call my GM
Can't go to workadoodles sowwwy fritos dipped in coke 
Bourbon soaked tamales why they make Bri wanna mope
Marshmallow soup is a snack that tastes like boogers
Boogers made of Brad Pitt lickin me at Lugers!

Smithers! That guy!

You shouldn't watch it, because people who act like you are incapable of enjoying things that might make you look dumb. Which makes you dumb.

Hiiii
Hi g2g cuz I'm still a wee-terd hungover but I just wanted to say Happy Two Grand Elephant and let's get some wingerz soon anypeepz?

Sorry Steve Malkmus uncle just sold me a cell phone.

Best film 2010
Best movie I saw this spin was Zambonis On Mice, the silent horrocomentary in which Bilbo Baggins gets hired by Alec Baldwin to clean his ice skating rink with a sham wow but the tracking was all pooped up and so it looked like Bilbo was cleaning the nets and the scoreboard and Charlie Sheens fourth row…

I saw Penelope and Mike Pemulis at a food court once and Mike wuz working at WOk and Egg Woll and Penelope would get Terirocki every day on her lunch break from The Gyrocologist but the one day I showed up Mike was over at Cinnabon dressed like a soccer mom cuz Penny never showed up and Mike though she was crammin…

Jersey Floors
I saw an ep once at Woodbridge Mall nd Bobby Veal was there and they installed some nice balsamic vinegar planks I walked along it and hid my booty inside the smoke shop, ran out of apples and ate the parrot from Animal World who had shredded carrots inside him still and so I wuz scurvy negative but my…

Wu Woot!
Meatloaf in a can cookin sizzlin on the radiator
Stickin all my fingaz in a mashed potato pasta maker
Shoulda paid the heat but I gotta meet my Makers
Find a yeast infection mail it to me cuz Brians not a baker
Askin for some Ghostface Christmas stocking Stacys pleaz
AV Clubz the best Salsa nails me in my dreamz!

Tee veeeeeeee weeeee
My fave ep was Smelly In Topeka when Lancaster buys Bobby's farm and kicks Bobby out and takes his sheep and teaches them how to play Risk and tend the fireplace but then Mrs. Hanover comes over and asks to borrow some sugar but Lancaster is all p.o.'d cuz he realizes hez allergic to wool and so…

Bobby, Dad's in Houston and it's his bday today and YOU just reminded me to call him! Thx Senor Duderanch dressing w/ carrots! Also, I rented White Ribbon and purchased about 16 cups of shiraz from my local sommliason soooo you take a wild guess if I'm happy today?

Hiiiiiiii
Do you ever think about Robert Deniro sitting behind you while you read the avclub and you turn around and go "Bobby! Stop trying to look thru the mesh in the back of my chair to see the tag in my pantaloonies to see how big my bummer is?" And then he goes "Stacy! I was rather thinking about fixing the hot…

Peeperdoodlez1
Lolz I gotta get to the Lilyfest but I can't find my Balls R4 Rapists Buttonz!

Fall all over meeeeeeeee
Was for realzos in Japan (missed yallz!) trying to find our dear friend Akiras family but got sidetracked…thoughtsicles told me he wuz from Hakkaido which I know soundz like a terrorist takin a quiz about a sneeze, but anywayzzers contracted Fungus Foot from the Dept of Defense, had to follow…

omg
Lolz you have no idea…hi Peeperz!!!!!!

Pickin carrotz in my garden cuz you can put them in bloody marinos (mary but w jagr instead cuz it makes you cry like a dan marino) ya know that? Anyzzz got 3 lil buggerz tryin to climb my overpants into my underpantielooms so I gave them 3 brain traumas (one each) for their indiscrestions with my garden shovel, now I…