His only hobby is pretending to be a smug guy who helps out the FBI with street performer tricks. It's what he's about!

He did all those things. It took him a single smug, smirking afternoon. Now to fill the rest of his time…

But what the heck is the smirking guy from the Mentalist supposed to do during our "magician-style performer inexplicably works with law enforcement" refractory period?

You'll note that all that time they were claiming priests weren't raping children, they never issued those denials in Latin.

But that's not so much about the popularity of super-heroes as the nature of the TV audience, which is old. I'd bet CBS could score ratings gold if DC would just let them do a half-dozen variations CSI: Gotham.

Yeah…no one really wants to see the President-Elect slip into something skin-tight, cowl or no cowl.

Ivanka is almost exactly the age Melania was when they got married…

Between that and the whole "soft sensuality" deal, I'm really worried that some of Trump's inaugural balls are going to be like the wedding in Caligula, where he rapes the bride and fists the groom.

Dammit, that joke's better than mine :)

But only if he does it in blackface. Because actually having a black face is totally wrong, but putting on makeup to pretend you're black is right as rain…

He's only part Oompa-Loompa. Just the hands, really.

Was being defrauded by her manager more like a free ride when you've already paid, or like good advice, that you just can't take?

I will say, that young Jean Grey (from All New X-Men) is a pretty great character, but that's mainly because she's traveled in time and knows that her future is to become omnipotent, insane, and dead.

Everyone thought that Jeb was a friggin' genius—it's a big part of the reason Trump beat him. People often claim that Rand Paul's super-smart, even though he has the affect of a person who's constantly stoned. So nice theory, I guess?

Then again, he might've passed the bar three years earlier.

"Not if, like Dan Savage says, you use a lot of lube and go slow. And hire a sex worker, 'cause sex workers make everything better."

She also said that he had the touch, which was something you were probably too young to hear at that point.

Could they have dropped it and still had a movie? Sure. But Spidey did add something to the story, and the time added to the story was relatively minimal—one scene, and then the rest of his development was handled through a great action scene.

Not really. Cowell's illustrations in the books look like this:

When I saw the headline, I was hoping (against all hope, really) that the graphic novel would be an adaptation of the Cressida Cowell book series, not the Dreamworks movie adaptations. I think if someone were working from the books (which have a completely different story from the the movies) an artist would have the…