Hear him kvetch.

Robert Anton Wilson would like a word. And a hit of acid. But he's dead so make that two hits, I'll take both.

See also: Discordians.

There's a bar here in DC that went CA-razy with decorations last season and it was the greatest business move: they had obscene lines every night and made a tons of money off tasty, economical, seasonally-themed drinks. Pretty sure they've gone all out again this year too. Think less "being inside a giant candy cane"…

Californication is Bukowski for people who don't like to read and somehow think that Entourage is below them.

Please stop playing the steel drum and yelling "CHRISTMAS APE" outside the Curves at the Bradley Shopping Center, thanks.

I mean it's pretty easy once you accept that Greeks wrote the Bible, Jesus is a metaphor for the sun, and Christmas is actually about the Christ consciousness being born inside you.

"Oh my God, it's us: we were Christmas the whole time!"

I'm definitely buying tickets to see glo-fi sensation Ocean Waves perform live when they come to town.

Nah we say Yuleside, bruh.

Your heart is a wonderful thing, Hoat the Goat, but it makes some terrible decisions.

Coming this spring to TNT,

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, CHRIS!

As we've said many times this year, "If you wrote this shit, no one would like it because it would be too unbelievable." In this case though, it's unbelievably sweet and touching and actually makes me feel good about humanity for a brief second.

As we near the end of a surreal year full of impactful deaths which filled us with mounting dread, we would be wise to remember that Uranus is returning, the Bible is merely a guide to cosmic consciousness written by tripped-out Greeks, and Jesus is just a metaphor for the Christ consciousness brought forth from…

America: you don't have to be crazy to live here, but it helps*!

I dare anyone to tell me with a straight face that the world didn't end back in 2012 and we're just now getting around to realizing it.

San Marino.

Fun Fact: in Australia, the term Old Fashioned often refers to hand jobs.

I like TJ but he's really arrogant and has deep-seated, unaddressed anger issues (this coming from someone addressing their deep-seated anger issues). His success is also going to his head and making behave in increasingly hypocritical ways (e.g. simulating smoking tons of weed on Silicon Valley but refusing to…