The only two bands I ever listen to are Barenaked Ladies and Skeletonwitch.

That's not "her will" being done. I just keep waking those fuckers up every half hour so they can't think straight.

Those shoulders could slice a diamond in half.

Skills don't matter, Stupid Ass. Make sure you heave that enormous hardcover of How To Do Everything. And aim for the mouth.

It's that heavy thing sitting on the shelf you throw at your nagging wife when she bitches about your lack of education.

One of the many ways in which Google Books is like my favorite massage parlor.

Three guesses as to what would be in the sound-effect bubble if Barzelay was punched by Batman.

She doesn't mind, as long as you remembered to wipe.
As if you would forget.

Who wants ice cream?
Black 'n' Robbins.

As a lifelong Peanuts fan, I definitely agree about the decline in quality . . . with the exception of a brief period during the last five years or so when it became really surreal. I always wondered if Schultz was on medication (hallucinogenics?) at the time to treat some undisclosed malady, but good grief it got…

PANDER TO ME!

I want a new face.
Seriously, I'm sick of looking at this stupid thing, and so is everyone else.

I got you half a pair of pants.

Cheese? You're lucky! I had to chop up an old bathroom sponge to garnish a canvas sneaker I found in the gutter.

The key to a successful marriage: mouth closed, wallet open.

If one cannot ush, one should not be an usher.

LaTrina currently holds the title as the most beautiful name in the world.

Sorry, it's a Heathers reference.

New! Balsamic Bleu Cheese Vinaigrette!
FROM HILL VALLEY!

I can't help but chuckle every time I see the dichotomous name of the town "Hill Valley".