I can confirm this. Yes, it's been a jolly good time, but I must get back to, ehm, writing my next novel

And now that you're 15, I'm sure all your mates are impressed.

Lately I've been thinking of giving The Wire another shot.

Seeing all these writers' names just makes me bitter about how I didn't get the film editor position after Tobias left. Apparently a bloody Booker Prize isn't enough of a resume capper for these blokes.

You mean like Muhammed?

@Scrawler2:disqus  it was Enchantress of Florence, but I'll take it.

Senior-aged Salman Rushdie doesn't remember who this J.D. Salinger bloke is.

I'd probably be like "hey, people who get mad about books generally don't read them, so maybe it's not worth releasing a book with a provocative title like 'The Satanic Verses' in 5 years"

Cheer up, lad. I'm sure Elmore wouldn't have been tremendously interested in your writing either.

I look more charismatically flustered than this arsehole when I'm on the toilet. God, Bridget Jones was such a slog.

You're slipping, @Scrawler2:disqus my dear. Although I shouldn't talk, I can't actually remember the names of my last three novels.

and this is why the 90s were awful.

Ha! I'll tell him you said that.

All of these are true, unfortunately, and I'm considering going back to writing my next novel instead of spending all my time on here. However, regarding #2, the Pepsi Sr. gimmick is brilliant and inspiring.

With you on that one, my good man. It's no Suffer, No Control, or Generator (all of which are terrific albums to listen to when you're being chased around by a theocrat, by the way), but as you blokes like to say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Yeah, life is hard.

Still better than Tea for the Tillerman in my mind.

One time in the 70s I was with Martin Amis in Belfast. We had just eaten a bunch of hash cookies and decided it would be a lark to walk down Falls Road. Sometime during our walk, a nail bomb was thrown at the British patrol. We ducked in the nearest gutter, but they saw us and backed us against a wall and started…

I suppose this is a good place to reveal that I'm actually Animorphs author K.A. Applegate.

I certainly did a lot of that in my copywriting days