I haven't played DAI, but maybe there's a side-quest wherein you have to acquire a lot of explosives (maybe from the dwarves), and then import thousands of migrant workers to blast their way through the mountain range and build a railroad (or carriage-road, or whatever) through it. But where would they all come from?…

Clearly what this whole business needs is an intervention from the Speedwalker. He will dispense relatively speedy judgment while keeping both feet on the ground at all times. But I guess in a pinch this science fellow will suffice.

Soylent Green is just a biscuit, not a people Triscuit.

My favorite memory of this movie is my dad walking into the living room as I was watching that scene. He said nothing, and walked quietly away.

I remember trying to figure out how much in-game time had elapsed between getting off the boat at the beginning of my game and finally completing the main story in Morrowind. I don't think I ever got a really good grasp of their calendar system, but I remember it being something like two years. I like to think that…

Oh, man. Now where am I going to get my fix for made-up bullshit that masquerades as reality, other than every other channel?

And if you need any more convincing, there's "ANAL—The Rectum Adventure" just a little bit further down.

Just glancing at the titles available, and two instantly catch my eye:

I suppose if it really were the end of the world, I might find a moment to sit down and watch CNN. After all, it's not like it's going to get any worse, right?

"Maybe Trump isn't either."

I am so angry right now. Here, watch me take my anger out on this box of animal crackers.

Alright everyone, I'll tie history to the chair, but I need someone to come up with a single white-hot light bulb, and then we have to work out who's good cop and who's bad cop. Let the interrogation begin!

Their work has really been disappointing lately, Beerfest aside.

"THE INTERVIEW HACK WAS AN INSIDE JOB." I'd consider hanging that message over a freeway overpass.

Hey guys, what is this weird-ass thing, and how do I cut it out of this guy? Pics please."

Three?

Three, sir.

Hey, did you know that Greta Van Susteren has been to North Korea three times? Three times has she visited North Korea, and the number of times she has visited North Korea is three. Four times she has not visited North Korea, although she has visited there twice, albeit only on the way to having visited three times.

Reminding me about Elliott Smith makes me way sadder than this video, although I always did find this part of the movie a little upsetting when I was a kid.

In all honesty, I always wondered that about the gunblade. If it shoots bullets, why bother running up and stabbing the enemy? Just shoot him!