Alternate title: "Who's Laughing Now!?"

While I am not at all disappointed a movie I was unlikely to go see will not be released to theaters, I do find it a little far-fetched that anything would actually have come of those threats. I mean, this is North Korea we're talking about, after all. Baseless bluster is kind of their forte. I understand that the…

They should just take a page from Canadian Bacon and make Canadians the unlikely villains of all future action movies. Nothing more menacing than a polite, courteous terrorist.

That is also acceptable. If there's a way to articulate a depressed, defeated sigh in text form, I'd go for that too.

You know, it's not too late to start filing certain Newswire articles under the heading "Terrible Job, Humanity!" I fear this could become a common feature.

Thank you, John Teti, for alerting me to the presence of those amazing red jackets.

I can't help but find the idea of North Korea starting a war over a dumb Seth Rogen movie very, very funny. So long as it doesn't actually happen, of course.

Clifford Goes to a Big Farm Upstate to Run Around and Play All Day, You Should Be Happy For Clifford, and We'll Get You a New Big Red Puppy for Christmas.

We keep the awards campaigns for Emma Roberts and John Cusack in the back. Just go through the curtain and find yourself a booth.

In Pacific Northwest, beard grows you!

I would go by "Dunwatt," but that doesn't mean I am deceased Danish physicist Nils Bohr. No sirree. Those rumors are completely untrue.

It should be pretty simple to assemble a home-made version. All you need is a table, some objects, and a T-Square. I suppose you might run into issues finding a trained attack dog and a group of SS soldiers, though.

I think I'm still me. If I'm not, please let me know.

That's funny, Unmutual is my middle name.

Or, what My My My said.

I think it depends on the message. If the "strong Christian message" is the power of forgiveness, or the virtues of humility, then there's probably some pretty good examples. If the message is "Christianity rocks and is the greatest faith!" or something like that, probably not.

To be fair, religion is just one of about a million things that people feel that way about. Sports, taste in music, taste in films, whether or not you eat meat, favorite color, type of car you drive, puffy Cheetos or the crunchy kind, Joel or Mike—the list goes on. People take all kinds of dumb shit very personally.

I think we can all agree that the proper forum for these important discussions on race, justice, and police accountability is the comments section of a pop-culture website. But it must be moderated by Cookie Monster.

"Hey, guys, wear whatever you woke up in this morning, stand in front of a blank white wall, and act like you're putting on a community theater version of "The Usual Suspects. Trust me. I'm a professional photographer."

Part One of our 287,000-part series, "Better Know Someone In Prison Who Might Not Have Committed the Crime For Which They Were Incarcerated."