Yes, and…I do too? Crap, I'm no good at this.

I've been trying to improvise a witty comment to this article for like five minutes now.

*begins slow clap*

You had parents, too?

Ah, I see. My mistake; assuming the worst about people usually works so well.

That's a remarkably calm and polite response to a stranger calling you up about your dead wife. Kudos to that guy.

Is that any different from how you're supposed to order it by phone?

That's refreshing to hear. I still remember figuring out how many damn Nirnroots I'd have to find for Oblivion and the cathartic obscenities that quickly followed. As well as reminding myself that of course I didn't *have* to find them as I spent hour after hour doing exactly that.

Yeah, that's a good point. I likely disappointed few people at the movie theater when my lack of sleep hindered my popcorn-shoveling ability.

I guess it's not technically a magic spell (though you're fooling nobody, BioWare), but I love Singularity from Mass Effect. I get a giddy, childish delight at watching enemies swirling around each other helplessly. My paragon Shepard's one guilty pleasure (aside from all the generic killing) was using Singularity…

I refuse to believe this game is as good as it sounds, if only so I don't have to fully come to terms with the fact that I will no longer have the time to enjoy all the games I want to enjoy, and in fact have not for some time now.

To be fair, though, "unwittingly" is the funniest way to train a dolphin to kill the President of the United States.

Considering it was published in the early '60s, I suppose it's entirely possible that up until the mid-'80s it was generally considered an "unfinishable" book, and that has since been forgotten. But yeah, I never heard that before either—granted, I wasn't born until the '80s, so maybe that particular cultural…

The one thing this didn't recreate was my friend throwing an obscenity-laced tantrum every time he didn't get the Golden Chocobo, which was by far my favorite part of the game.

Maybe for the next Assassin's Creed game, they can just fulfill my lifelong dream of someone remaking Super Dodgeball for the NES. They can dress up the characters like Renaissance assassins all they want, so long as I get to play the Iceland Dodgeball team on a court populated by penguins.

Thanks a lot. Now I've got another game to add to my increasingly large list of unplayed Gog purchases.

Now I want to play the expansion where you get to play as the two teleporting Frenchmen. "Assassin's Creed: Le Saut Quantique."

Everyone knows that women didn't exist until the late 19th century.

Yeah, that was a goodie, too. Man, remember when Jim Carrey was funny?

There was a lot that annoyed me about the original, but few things make me laugh as hard as: