I just started Season 12 of The Simpsons today. Am I going to be disappointed? The Halloween episode had a few laughs, but the Halloween episodes are usually the best ones.

How about Mister Marcus?

Ready, Signor Beaverotti?

I knew a kid in fourth grade who named his dick "Stiffy."

Sure you didn't think it was starring Lexington Steele?

So would Captain Chaos.

Stop lying. That's like saying you find girls with glasses attractive, when we all know that guys only want to date blonde bimbos with big tits and little-girl voices.

The Onion personals were part of a bigger network. I went on a date with someone who had joined through Nerve.com. She told me she was "very passionate" about her job as a contract administrator and that was the end of it.

There goes my attempt to date Fairuza Balk in American History X.

He's writing the Thermian parts so they don't get accused of "cultural appropriation."

You've been done by Illegal Alien Makeovers!

In the MAD parodies, he was called Oldie Von Moldie.

I spent a day or two working at my uncle's concrete plant and filed away many a profanity to use later. The two I recall were "horse cock sandwich" and "come-guzzling gutter whore."

In defense, Bad Teacher was very funny.

It's about time someone paid attention to the wants and needs of tweens. That's the problem with our society…everything is about adults. It's all focused on being mature, dressing well, not throwing temper tantrums in public or online, using proper English. How come nobody out there is producing movies or TV shows or…

True…there was a Logan in my brother's Boy Scout troup. I'm not even saying it's a bad name by itself; I just think it's silly to name your kid after a superhero unless you got pregnant at 14.

"Wokest." Jesus Christ. Next are you going to report about someone who has "clapped back" to criticism online?

Where's Chunky A?

See, Butt-head, that's Bobby, "The Rookie." He's pretty good, but he's got a bad temper, and sometimes Cochise has to calm him down.

Nemo me impune lacessit!