"…after a motorcycle trick went wrong…"

"Dr Evil, let me make you a deal. You get the mojo, and you can keep your money. And I'll get your baby."

Be careful - mocking substance abuse is now viewed as "hurtful" and "shaming."

Yeah, you need to lose that "woke" line.

That is a good point…the '80s comedies I still hold as the pinnacle of humor were often "slobs vs. snobs." But humor gets boring if you only make fun of acceptable targets, and often the funniest stuff is the things we laugh about that we wouldn't support in real life.

I'll be back.

Is Dale Launer still working? He was on fire in the mid-1980s, writing great comedies like Ruthless People and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. The last I heard of him, it was related to spree killer Elliot Rodger, who murdered six and injured 14 a few years ago in California. Launer was a family friend who was asked to…

So this means I can totally start over with a new name and without all that baggage about my drinking and hating myself and self-mutilation and having an imaginary daughter.

I keep thinking it's that kids' movie Baby Boss. Every time I go to the grocery store, I have to go past that section where they have magazines and books and toys for kids and they have some stupid tie-in book with that fucking baby CEO smirking and saying "COOKIES ARE FOR CLOSERS."

Maybe that's because you're not allowed to make fun of anyone anymore unless they are white, rich, male, and "in a position of power." We have all these new Comedy Rules that tell us what is funny, because comedy is now supposed to be a political and social tool to affect change.

Just cough up the dough, Mac.

Let's get a McPizza.

Russia does produce some really hot tennis players.

Your ad says I can have it "my way" and "my way" is a herring Whopper with extra mayo!

"Silky Johnson has been nominated for Playa Hater of the Year for calling in a bomb threat to the Special Olympics, yo! Next we have Pitbull. Pitbull has been nominated for calling the cops on the drug dealers down the hall….not because it was the right thing to do, but because he was jealous of all the money they was…

So they're mad that she has sex a lot but also because she is over 30 and has no kids?

You're better off just doing it in the studio. Otherwise you have to deal with pedestrians wandering into the shot making funny faces.

He had a really good wig when he played Hemingway. It kind of broke my heart later to see him bald since the hair loss made him like 50% less attractive. At least it didn't detract from his talent…the guy is a great actor.

I can't believe the insurance guarantor would let him do this shit, especially when they can digitally put his head on a stuntman's body. If Tom Cruise breaks his leg, you end up shutting down production and maybe having to pay people while Maverick heals.

"My…my mother's name was Jughead."