SANDRA CROSS WEARS WHITE UNDERPANTS

The look that the dad gives the camera right before getting into the car may be the funniest thing ever recorded on film.

I don't get how people are still fascinated by "sex tapes" and that people like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian were able to get super-famous based on them.

Plus, according to Joe Pesci, them Jew broads often have families that own the whole fucking block. Just watch out for prejudice…can you believe that, in this day and age?

The best Mariah Carey will ever look is on the cover of her Christmas album.

I hope it says "An Egotistical Dumbshit Who Married an Amateur Porn Star."

Maybe you could consider hiring The Herlihy Boy.

Super Happy Shiny Smile Tours

Shit, I'd PISS Coors if I could, Mister Man!

So now you can sell spatulas factory-direct to us?

"Shit" is a funny word…especially when Chunk says it during the opening of Goonies.

Kalamazoo

Settle down, Beavis. It's a word; don't blow out an O-ring. And it takes the same amount of time to say "Latino," which I will continue to use.

One of Stephen King's characters referred to a toilet as "the hopper," which I think is pretty funny.

I liked Gaila in the first reboot Star Trek movie but this is getting ridiculous.

The Terminator's discrimination based on somatotypes seems pretty primitive as well.

I made a Greek salad a few weeks ago and the description said that you have to have cucumber in a Greek salad.

I hate pickles…last month, my mom had me try a sweet pickle and I hated it. I was shocked that I enjoyed my cousin's pickled eggs last Christmas.

"Scruffy. Morbid. A sentimental replica of a planet long since vanished. No style at all."

I LOVE that line. I think Entertainment Weekly did a story on movies that cheer you up or something like that and they referenced that line.