Harrison Ford could do it. He was a Boy Scout camp counselor (ironically, he specialized in snakes and other reptiles).

And his character's downfall was sparked by Renton, that little shit.

Dominic Cooper is a hell of an actor. If you like his work, see The Devil's Double, where he plays a dual role as Saddam Hussein's psychotic son Uday and Latif Yahia, Uday's double.

Before that, he was, simply, The Principal.

He did a crummy movie called Real Men with John Ritter back in the '80s and his character's favorite food was something called a Happy Pie (I presume similar to a Hostess Fruit Pie).

$500 ain't cheap, though that's about what I paid for a Ralph Lauren suit at Lord & Taylor 10 years before.

One dickhead there saw me browsing around the store and made sure to tell me I needed to be in the Big and Tall section.

Those shitty haberdasheries on Hollywood Blvd used to offer big deals on suits. I think for like $500 you got two cheap zoot suits you could never wear anywhere but clubs, two cheap shirts, two neckties, two pocket squares, and they'd throw in a crappy pair of Stacy Adams faux-alligator shoes with tassels.

I spent nearly $500 at Men's Wearhouse on a sport coat for an interview last week.

He wore the contacts even out to the gay clubs? Who the fuck did he think he was going to pick up?

Fuck them. Those cocksuckers laughed while someone died and then continued to laugh when the cops came. Let's see how much they laugh when they find out their adult lives are ruined because of their sadistic hee-haw behavior.

That song fucking sucks. You want a kick-ass Divinyls song, tune in here:

HA HA I LIKE WHEN EVERYONE PUTS ON FAKE BROOKLYN ACCENTS AND SAYS "TELL ME MAW, TELL ME MAW, DID SHE PUT UP A FIGHT?" 'CAUSE YOU KNOW THEY'RE ASKING IF DANNY FUCKED HER.

So why didn't he tell Bill Murray to go kick Hackman's ass?

I keep reading conflicting reports about how they will be charged and how they won't be charged.

"I told him he was a fat-ass squat-to-pee sissy."

"YOU LIAR! I swear I didn't do it, Dad!"

Little Goody Two-Shoes! [clown horn] HONK! HONK!

Fun Dahmer facts:

He and the middle Dixie Chick got divorced a month or two ago. That means I have a chance. If only I was as attractive and successful as him.