But being Pink Parachute is too much like being Pussy Parachute. Yeah, sure it's not a big deal to you, you got a cool-colored parachute!

Dad is the best dad you can make! For breakfast, he gives us chocolate cake!

And a giant tit.

Wasn't that book big news like 20 years ago?

Ha ha, I got MY Emperor figure.

Reese Witherspoon is a good actress, but I don't think she's been able to play "innocent" for the last 15 years.

Does Richard Gere count as a minor celebrity now?

Forget the lousy Rey token, I sent in my Proofs-of-Purchase for that Anakin Skywalker action figure in 1984 and they still haven't sent it to me!

Kevin Williamson got a fair amount of mileage out of being "the writer of Scream."

I haven't heard anything to the contrary that Tony thinks that you should trust other people and know your place in an organization.

They petitioned to get him out of prison based on his poetry. He got out, then proceeded to fuck up again…I think he got back into drugs and then tried to cheat a dealer. He ended up back in Oz and everyone - administration and inmates - were so disgusted with him they gave him the silent treatment.

Pan kisses you!

In other words, the next Great Job, Internet will announce the death of humor.

Now, now, there'll be time for the frozen pudding wagon later. You still owe me ten Iroquois Twists!

One day, Wilma, WHAM! Right off the edge of the world!

I think Dennis Miller had a routine (or just a mention in one of his books) about how Wilma deserved better (like Miller himself) while "Fred kept stuffing his fat fuck face."

As a bald person, can I be offended at that one conditioner commercial where a guy enters a hair salon and instructs the stylist to just shave his head? Then she introduces the turd to this miracle conditioner and the commercial ends with him thanking her and saying he's relieved he didn't have to be bald and some…

Except maybe the filmography of Tom Hanks.

"The Super Pan was developed by scientists who quit the space program to devote their lives to making pans!"

CHICKEN SANDWICH, CARL! WHAT ARE YOU, DEAF??