My elementary school librarian liked me a lot, so she made sure I was the first kid in school to read the new Ramona Forever.

The next person who defends Back to the Future Part II, especially the future scenes, will answer to me.

"Oh, not on cauliflower!"

All right, stop: prime time!

I like the globe that glows red like our Krypton sun, but not this irritating noise. Make way.

They tried to get Ian Somerhalder, but he already accepted a position at Pretty Boys' Town.

Don't change the channel
Don't touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers
Stick around for a while
We got it all on UHF
Don't worry 'bout your laundry
Forget about your job
Just crank up the volume
And yank off the knob
We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF

More like Oberst.

They're waiting for Trump to comment on it so they have an excuse to tell us how much they hate him. Either that or that the circus failed because white supremacists didn't like that they've had a black ringmaster for the last 18 years.

"Mark Hogancamp?" Is his boss named "Mr. Klinkmaster?"

Did he talk about his experiences on Friday the 13th? They weren't good. He told Starlog that they added photo developer fluid to the fake blood, which made his tongue tingle, that the makeup artist smoked cigarettes while working on him and nearly burned his face, and that after he was done, they dumped him off at…

Since the point of the show is not to be funny, but to be "diverse."

I wonder what sort of playground equipment they don't allow anymore, and what they allow for kids.

"I'd like to introduce you all to the future Mrs. Zed!"

Six movies? That's nothing. Bulldog Drummond had 23!

Neither was his cousin, Gus Goose (he don't eat much).

My other picks would be "Me So Horny" by 2 Live Crew or "Are You Ready for the Sex Girls" by Gleaming Spires.

"He'll Make Me Happy" is so touching that if I ever got married, I'd be willing to consider it as a substitute processional song instead of Wagner or Mendelssohn. Though what I'd really like is Patrick Cassidy's "Vide Cor Meum," from Hannibal.

Did you like the gang's car, that Pontiac convertible with a trunk full of beer and upended mannequins' legs?

I don't buy into "punching up" or making sure humor doesn't offend people, but in the Blue Oyster scenes, the gay guys are always in charge and end up coming across as pretty masculine.