My worst roommate wore a Yale baseball cap all the time though he was going to Loyola. Fuckin' loser.

It's probably just one of those ship captain hats that Elvis used to wear at home.

The best thing you can say about a woman is that she's "a real tomato."

Broads don't belong in broadcasting.

The parking garage next to Amoeba is a good place to meet your weed dealer.

This place is very social; we'd find some remark to make if the story was about caring for your cactus so we could transition into whether we'd rather boink Gillian Jacobs or Alison Brie.

I had to pause before responding so I could throw up into the bathtub again.

It's raining men! Hallelujah, it's raining men!

Star Wars recycled a lot of stuff from the past as well. Han's blaster is a Mauser C96 "Broomhandle" while the Stormtroopers' rifles are Sterlings.

Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep.

I sometimes take a shit while on the phone, though I try not to flush and give myself away till after i hang up.

Nothing. Still too sick to eat. If i do feel better later, I'm going to have Rice-a-Roni beef.

I texted a friend I hadn't seen in a month or two and asked if he wanted to go to lunch this week and he texted me back to tell me he and his family moved to Sarasota two weeks ago.

Ugh…hung over. The puking is probably done, but I'm still jittery and even briefly had the chills though it's like 80 degrees outside. Thankful that I don't have anywhere I need to go today. Plus I've lost 12 lbs since Saturday and I still don't feel like consuming anything but water.

I don't see how anyone should get credit for paying lip service, i.e., lying to people and pretending that they're one of the good guys.

The tabloids?

I don't even bother cutting the tips off anymore.

I've never seen this show, but everyone tells me it sucks. And that Sheldon guy who looks like a marionette drives me to rage whenever I see him in his Green Lantern T-shirt.

House of Tsang makes a good peanut sauce.

Watch your mouth, kid, or you're going to find yourself floating home.