Can you imagine what a production number it must be to corral all those kids for a cross-country flight?

They bought the tabloids and kept them in the break room.

Uncle Marvin and Uncle Bobby are still alive, though.

You know, in that song "Cats in the Cradle," the twist is that he blows off his own son like his father blew off him and then when his son grows up, he blows off the narrator because he learned it from his dad.

Shit, why didn't I think of this? I could totally spin a tale to prospective dates about how I haven't dated after my long-time girlfriend died in my arms, telling me her last hope was that I would find someone new and special, especially since she knows she never deserved me.

"Mommy" is not in Putter's vocabulary. I'm terrified that one day, Putter will look up to me and ask Daddy when he's going to get laid.

Oh, yeah? And what the hell do you….shit, never mind.

NEW AND IMPROVED JOKER PRODUCTS! With my new ingredient: SMYLEX!

I've got first dibs. On both of them. Alicia Silverstone's agent just emailed me to say AS was really flattered that I liked her at her fattest and that she plans to deliberately gain weight to please me.

At least that younger girl in the "Crazy" video is still probably hot and there is no creepy subtext to it. I mean, it's not like Steven Tyler would let his daughter wiggle her ass in skintight leather pants just to get more attention for his new single. And it's not like anybody was going to be fooled and buy the…

You're a dreamer, Lex Luthor. A sick and twisted dreamer. Your plan couldn't possibly work.

I worked at a Kohl's at the time and used to masturbate about articles that decried her for her weight gain ("Look Out, Batman! Here Comes Buttgirl!") as well as articles about how Renee Zellweger was eating three pizzas a day plus candy bars to play Bridget Jones.

I liked that Superman resented the fact that everyone looked to him for help and the fickle public were quick to label him a bum for not saving every jackass who got into trouble.

Call me foolish, call me irresponsible…it occurred to me that a 500-megaton bomb placed at just the proper point would destroy most of California. Millions of innocent people will be killed. Buh-bye, California. Hello, new West Coast. My West Coast. Costa del Lex, Luthorville, Marina del Lex, Otisburg…Otisburg? Otisbur…

Where the hell has Alison Lohman been for the last eight years? She told me she was my girlfriend forever and then we were at some awards show and she said she had to go to the bathroom and I never saw her again…..

What? You're saying people are STANDING UP for these FREAKS?? But, but…WE DON'T LIKE THEM! WE DON'T SUPPORT THEIR WAY OF LIFE! They're just a bunch of weirdos…I (losing strength)…they…you bunch of freaks! I'll get you somehow!

I just hope he isn't defending all those FREAKS with super powers. I've been certified as a White Stereotype by the MPAA and I just want to say that our country doesn't like people who are "different." I don't care if you do good deeds for us, you're still FREAKS and we don't want you here.

Even "Liam" is pretty pretentious if you're American. "Oh, my son isn't named William, it's LIAM." They only know the name "Liam" because it's the same name as a movie star, which shows how childish people are when it comes to picking names for their children. The same as those who think it's a cute gimmick to give…

I know plenty of people who think Falling Down is an awesome movie.

Plus the '73 Olds 88.