[spits water on scrappybilly]

I DON'T KNOW FISH SANDWICH

I'm looking around my apartment to see if I have anything poisonous.

[goes to Netflix]

To the AV Club: Could you guys please stop posting pictures of Mark Zuckerberg? They're triggering.

When I go up north, it's either Fox News or Headline News, and both drive me crazy. I get enough political bullshit at home without needing it when I'm on vacation, so I wait like an hour and then ask if I can switch the station, even if it means I'm going to end up watching Reba re-runs.

I remember on 9/11, I couldn't help but imagine Gary Condit was thinking, Thank God for radical Muslims.

No, my hacker name would be "Cutting Edge" or "Meltdown." My avatar would be me giving the camera the finger.

Parador was the first movie I ever left and thought, "That wasn't very good." I was 11.

"Welcome to Creepshow 2! I saved a seat for you!"

MRS. POTTS LOST 12 OZ OF PEWTER AND LOOKS AMAZING!

Just make sure the letter "X" is in there somewhere.

"Analysis: Ugh, it smells like carrots and throw-up! That could gag a maggot! Smells like hot, sick ass in a rotting carcass! Even stink would say 'that stinks!' You ever go into an apartment building and you smell other people's cooking and you think, 'Errrm, wonder what they're having?' Smells like that, plus crap!"

I'm a bit glad they're not afraid to include some examples of the young Richie's tasteless sense of humor. I'm guessing he won't be doing his "Ni**er Jim" character where he pretends Beverly is Scarlett O'Hara and he keeps begging her "doan beat dis here black boy" and says he'll get her another mint julep.

He's the definition of "learned helplessness." He gets free health care (through the county), free food (through the state), free housing (through his girlfriend), and he's still always broke. His reason for not using the internet is "I don't know how" yet he makes zero effort to learn. He lives with people who know…

I remember Newsweek made fun of Judd Nelson's performance, especially when he shouts "Wasted love!"

I'm hoping he's been doing a Random Roles with Frank Welker for the past several years and is about to publish it as a book.

On a related note, it's still funny in Kingpin when Woody Harrelson can't stop vomiting after having sex with his middle-aged landlady in lieu of paying rent.

I have a friend who has been in a wheelchair since he was 13. There is a technology called ParaStep where electrodes are attached to a paraplegic's legs that will send electrical impulses to their muscles and they can walk slowly with a walker. My friend actually "walked" to get his high school diploma.

I saw the Crispin Glover film at the midnight movies last year. Part 3 was my first-ever slasher film. Saw Jason Goes to Hell when it was a new video release. The first one at the Prince Charles in Leicester Square in London on Halloween. Still, each one was junk.