Chief Wiggum!
Don't eat the clues!

Does web production involve dealing with sticky viscous protein strings?
Because if it does, I'm your man!

I think this was a rap song, wasn't it? Or a rap video?

Love your post, but my brain doesn't work that fast when I'm racing against the Firstquenchers.

Who's her dentist?
Or her obgyn?

Al Pacino did - he described her as having gorgeous alabaster skin.

Is there a way to get out of the dungeon without using the Wizard's Key?

Shoot, we ought start the AVClub Inn of Court right now! But I'm a government lawyer, so I can't stay at the Ritz with you highpriced guns.

no wkrp in cincinnati?
when that's where John's from?

Pear the Sopwith
"Maid in Manhattan" end ewe'd half a grate thyme!

I mean, we did our part and sat through seven seasons of 'Wings'.

It's been 20 years since I was waiting for a Z train, maybe 9.30 on a weeknight, and it still gives me nightmares…wandering around the multiple levels unable to figure any way out, odd people standing and watching you, coming closer to where you are…the train you need to catch on the other side of the station as you…

I don't think Hoffman sounds at all like Herman Munster.

The escapees from the Phantom Zone land on Earth and terrorize a small town. A boy gets on horseback to get help. The mute escapee grabs a light off the roof of a police car and as the boy is galloping away, throws it and nails the boy with it. (Pretty disturbing for little kids). They changed the ending too…but…

If you can MYOF this dreck,
then you really need to do "Under the Rainbow," which was my boy-realizing-Hollywood-isn't-that-great-becoming-a-man moment. At a dollar, still the shittiest movie I ever overpaid to see. Not even any nude scenes to make up for the WTFishness of it all.

Where can I buy his Christmas album?
Wal-mart?

Earnest!
That's the word…just so goddamn unrelentingly earnest.

Wish I'd said that.

Saddleback's already asked some of my questions, so..

nor do I play one on TV, but I don't think your argument holds water. (SPOILER: Too lengthy a post follows!)