"Zack Snyder, I'm putting you on a wrestling picture."

People are going back to confirm whether or not they're attracted to sexy clowns.

Who green-lit the Ben Hur remake? Did some poor intern accidently unseal the tomb of an old-timey, cigar-chomping producer?

Legislatively, probably not much. We got checks and balances for that.

Topical!

Should have gone with Netfrix.

Bubba wasn't gonna use them brain cells anyway.

I tell you what. Annie Clark could stand to eat a CHILI CHEESEBURGER OR TWO.

Isn't she getting a bit long in the tooth to play a teenage were-squirrel?

Personally, I would not rank Steven Tyler putting his finger in your ass as a FastPass+ priority. Rather, plan to arrive early and have him finger your ass first thing before the South American tour groups have arrived in the mood for some light anal play.

The Armageddon soundtrack didn't rocket Aerosmith back to the top. "Get a Grip" took them to the top and they've been lingering there uninterrupted for 23 years, brother.

Hence, I said the worst historical styles AND gimmicky names (to go along with the gimmicky flavors) both of which, not coincidentally, mainly involve dumping all sorts of crap into the mix to disguise the fundamental flaws in their process.

Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the music is
made. Spice Girls-the T-shirt, Spice Girls the Coloring Book,
Spice Girls the Lunch box, Spice Girls the Breakfast Cereal, Spice Girls the Flame Thrower.

These are test audiences. Just be grateful they didn't include a basketball montage set to Smashmouth.

Almost all craft beer tastes like filtered garbage water. The entire industry is driven by gimmicky names and an inexplicable obsession with recreating the worst historical styles of beer. India pale ale is just a fancy term for beer riddled with whatever trash that scurvy-ridden English sailors could use to keep it…

The infallible Nielsen methodology takes a raw count of viewers watching via UHF antenna then multiplies that number by monthly Ovaltine sales in their county.

The Chinese would get the gold every time, and hey, we'd have to praise their mastery of the technique but should it really count when they don't really capture the soul of the event?

Badminton doesn't sell 12" Sweet Onion Terkiyakis.

I had no idea there was so much overlap between Colbert fans and people who fell into a coma during the first season of Weeds.

If we're gonna get a guy called Michael Jordan, we might as well take this opportunity to reunite the 1992 Dream Team. Personally, I cannot see anyone BUT Larry Bird playing a young Lobot.