Although, Shia has said that he sent Von Triers some homemade sex tapes as a way of auditioning - for reals. So maybe this might end up on the DVD, and all our dreams of seeing his erect penis in action will come true.

AIDS…oh no, wait…not that.

Yeah I know, 'nursing home', whatever. A brothel's a brothel.

This guy's funny 'cos he doesn't believe in God and isn't afraid to say it.

It's awful. Ricky peaked long, long ago.

A tasty meat sandwich is a tasty meat sandwich - namsayin'?

Look here, Ang, you Oscar-hoarding pussy - four years is nothing. After Axl Rose spent like 23 years making Chinese Democracy - you think he took a fucking rest? No, he manned up and went out on tour, you lazy bastard. Fuckoff back to China.

He's cool because he's always drunk.

I always wanted to see Michael Douglas pork Matt Damon, so this is defo the movie for me.

Well it is pretty messy.

Wow, that's a big-ass cigarette - where can I get a box of those?

Who is this old man and what the fuck does he want?

Nope - banging your mom in '82.

Hello.

Does Justin Timberlake reprise his character from 'In Time' - Justin Timberlake?

So much like your mother.

That's up to them.

She dead. She overdose in Howard Stern's bathroom.

Yes, with the added twist that yer mom was Steven Soderbergh's Trojan horse. She was looking at an Ocean's Fourteen, and she accomodated.

Metallica have no business being there anyway.