But in the older hearses, the casket rollers pinch like a motherfucker. Better be getting some kinda bedlining.

Nobody fucks like your mother after five mojitos

It's a time-honored tradition
for our elder white men to desecrate the world that produced them as they enter their late years… the venerable ritual of wrecking one's immediate life and loved ones and then pronouncing all of existence as shitty as their life was… akin to pissing on the walls before you leave the…

Kindle-Killer?
Will it be modeled on Hitler's famous Kinder-Killer?

Defecationals?

I wanna take her behind a middle school and get her pregnant AGAIN!

Dear all:
Hmmm.. these buzzkills don't seem to be doing so well for you. They're angryin' up your blood. Yep… the symptoms are all there. Dredging up long-suppressed memories of midnight dorm bullshit sessions… re-animating unanswerable questions…

DOUBLE pussy fart POOPIE!!!!

Ah, Dr. Rex Morgan. You have the cure for the Sunday blues.

I bet she also thinks Ziggy's gotten too preachy!

Hmmm… this interview
sent me on a JOURNEY… INTO MADNESS!

I would proudly bring her back from Vagetarianism.

Kelly Choi is waiting for a spot in the next Margaret Cho sitcom. Tentatively titled "Choi-Cho-Cha!"
The pilot episode involves Choi's misadventures trying to find Cho's clitoris with a pair of chopsticks. Hilarity, ensue thyself!

JVS VS. GH! Throwdown!
Winner of the match gets to wrestle ZMF!

I won't take a pay cut
But I will contribute 10 percent of my weekly vodka and tequila consumption to the Committee for Keeping Paula Abdul Fucked Up and Slurring.
It's all for the common good. Even if I don't watch the show, it's nice to know she's out there keeping America distracted.

ZMFFest < AVClubFest < ViceFest < Pitchfork Fest < Salon Fest < Slate Fest < Huffington PostFest < AICN ButtNumbAThon < 4chan Fest < WikiFest

Aw, that's just Liam Neeson!
He's probably jealous of Bruno's box office.

Well, all I know is, I miss them.

Sea Fever!
This summer, everyone's coming down with it! This hilarious "re-quel" to Grahame-Smith's instant classic is poised to be this year's must-read comic bouillabaisse! It's a "great catch" for beachside readers, so "run, don't wade" to your local bookseller and "net" your copy today!

On a scale from 1981 to 1989, when were your stone-washed jeans in mint condition?