I take it back. Turns out we never wanted that at all.

I hope she survives the car crash with little to no injuries but has a crazy orgasm from it like in that book I never read.

I hope she survives the car crash with little to no injuries but has a crazy orgasm from it like in that book I never read.

Shit, I meant 39 year old woman. But still…that's like, all old and stuff.

Shit, I meant 39 year old woman. But still…that's like, all old and stuff.

Tattoos are bullshit. They're ugly, expensive and a pointless form of socially acceptable body mutilation.

Tattoos are bullshit. They're ugly, expensive and a pointless form of socially acceptable body mutilation.

Winners don't do drugs.

Winners don't do drugs.

American Dad briefly got me referring to pizza and soda as Za and Da before I learned this was an actual thing people used to do in the 80s.

American Dad briefly got me referring to pizza and soda as Za and Da before I learned this was an actual thing people used to do in the 80s.

#GAYLORDSFORCE

#GAYLORDSFORCE

I never thought I'd have such appreciation for a 49 year old woman in jean shorts until I saw the Avengers.

I never thought I'd have such appreciation for a 49 year old woman in jean shorts until I saw the Avengers.

You can pay them in subversive, avant-garde dollars, then pull the money away at the last second before disemboweling yourself, just to play with the audience's expectations.

You can pay them in subversive, avant-garde dollars, then pull the money away at the last second before disemboweling yourself, just to play with the audience's expectations.

I like parties, I like fun, I want to live in a hamburger bun.

I like parties, I like fun, I want to live in a hamburger bun.

America still yearns for a heart-wrenching twelve-part backstory to the blue anime band people from the Daft Punk videos.