I am right here. And I always have been, my child. When you saw only one pair of footprints it was then that I carried you. etc etc etc.

I dunno, this felt like an instant classic to me. It's up there with my favorites (Mac Bangs Dennis's Mom and Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person, in case anyone was wondering) in terms of consistent craziness and laughs.

… I think he's on trucker speed.

Yeah, seriously - what is with that product placement? It was funny with Snapple, it was really funny with Verizon. But that was years ago. Now it's just boring.

It's just not the same without the flashing neon coloring and the Comic Sans.

Why you eating people's old french fries, pigeon? Have some self-respect! Don't you know you can fly?

At least I'm not a hit-and-runner. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH BURN

Louis Canon, you cut me to the quick.

Quiet, sheltie, you son of a cock-loving whore.

Hussy.

Skank.

ZMF! We missed you tonight.

Seriously
I had an awesome time tonight. It amazes me how fucking nice everyone is. SO DAMN NICE. Thanks.

Sorry, guys, I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.

I took two buttons. Because I could.

Don't mind me
I'm just over here registering my absolute hatred of 500 Days of Summer (AND NO I WILL NOT GIVE IT THE COURTESY OF ITS STUPID PARENTHESES).

Next time, nametags. Or something. I dunno. Are we all too shy and hipsterly indecisive for that?

I went to the Chicago party get-together soiree thing tonight. It was awesome. SUCK IT NON-CHICAGO PEOPLE. SUCK IT HARD.

supposedly he's all into nerdy shit like videogames and comic books, too. ONE OF US ONE OF US

and "Don Draper's Guide to Picking Up Women" was hilaaaaarious. I laugh every time.