you are SO welcome.

What the hell is wrong with you people? It's like none of you WANT to eat little gritty-ass neon-colored marshmallow droppings shaped like vacant-eyed baby chickens.

You're onto something with "IM for Murder." The GChat Killer is never Idle! Ready, AIM, Fire!

DO NOT SPEAK ILL OF PEEPS. Some of us like our sugar in the most concentrated form possible. Who needs teeth, anyways?

These could all be Very Special Episodes of West Wing.

Whenever I read "Life on Mars" I confuse it with the Wayne Coyne epic "Christmas on Mars." NOT THE SAME THING, YOU GUYS.

Wry Cooter, you crack me up every time. Don won't be able to resist.

Sean O'Neal? That man can WRITE
That first sentence is, like, poetry, man. I love the Buzzkills.

Yeah, I was just about to post the same thing. There's a reason they call it the Daily Fail. (And by "they" I mean "me, sitting alone, reading foreign newspapers online and cutting them deeply with my incisive satirical nicknames.")

Portland, Oregon. It wasn't advice specific to the newspaper, just for the business in general.

Dammit!
I'm trying to make this my AV Club avatar, but it's taking forever to show up, and by the time it does, the joke will be over. boo.

Jorge, I'll just say that one of the pieces of advice I got at my last job in Portland was to always wear a low-cut shirt at a police press conference.

::senses impending firing::

::giggles demurely::

this is me:

This was fun to do!
And don't be intimidated by all the computer technology, ladies. The men who designed this program made it simple enough for a woman to use.

you could cut off your arms, preserve them and have them molded into this:

I'm Ken!

It was written in a kind of … obsolete vernacular.

I actually agree with Horsefellow for once. Are you in the market for a copy editor, buddy? My rates are quite reasonable.