Lord, to be 17 forever.

Seriously, though. Should I be watching Glee?

But With Arson, that is the most non sequitur of all the AVC marriage proposals I've had in my tenure as a commenter here, and I've had a few. I can't decide if that's a point in your favor or not. But why would you want to marry me anyway? I'm just an overgrown choir geek.

I keep seeing that stopwatch as a police badge
I would TOTALLY watch a half-hour comedy with her playing a hard-boiled cop.

I'll be going as a darkish area … with points.

I should probably watch Glee, right?
I was a hardcore choir kid in junior high. And I was in Guys and Dolls, but there were too many girls on the cast, so I had to be a guy instead of a doll.

I see these lists and all I can think about is the great big killer balloon from The Prisoner
That has to count somehow. Right?

She was the most consistently funny thing about Role Models
"I have a deal with the judge. I used to suck his dick for cocaine."

GREEN MAN!
GREEN MAN! Wooo!

Clearly, Chico, if you think my uncle's kissing is inadequate then you just didn't pay him enough. If course, I'm spoiled, because I get the family discount.

And real shoddy narration. Just awful.

DAMMIT FRITO! DON'T YOU TRY TO STEAL MY BABY!

What do you mean "sir?" She's clearly a hot and sexy cougar, experienced but wrinkle-free and just waiting for you on silken sheets. Waiting … for you. She speaks English, German AND Polish.

WHAT? Bad timing, Riff!

Ah well, now I'm off to pawn the ring. Should be good for some quality time at Arby's. The Big Beef and Cheddar could be the only substitute for the loss of Chev, Chloe Jane and Hanneman Randell-Motherfucker. SEE IF I CARE.

Yeah, thanks anyway, but that weak stuff will seriously harsh this NyQuil buzz I've got going. WHEEEEE NYQUIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, there go my plans for a long life together raising children with ZMF. Sitting on the porch, watching the sunset. "THIS SUNSET FUCKING OWNS," he'll say. "Yes, dear."

And put it in milk, right? The closest think I have handy is Diet Coke, will that be okay?

Hey, I'm sick too!

DUDE. MelissaW. I think we went to the same college. Go 'Cats?