Shut the fuck up, Donnie.

2 Gump 2 Furious

If Bob Zemeckis ever decides to make an unholy sequel, it should focus on the adventures of Forrest's elderly bigoted father Pappy Gump and a grown Haley Joel Osment…Forrest Gump II: Electric Gumpaloo

Go Fightin' Hermann's!

Not to mention the obviously swell neighborhood with perfectly kempt rosebushes and lawns, all the blooming flora and fauna guarded by the doting father polishing his shotgun in yonder glowing living room…

He looks like if Elijah Wood had aged like Haley Joel Osment.

Now imagine if his peni—er—mouth…were covered with open sores. I'll let your mind fill in the rest.

Not falling for that again. Having sex with lemons fucking stings, yo.

Dada, you ignorant slut.

"Tapout types" — you mean those who recognize a contrived crucible of degredation and servitude doesn't necessarily forge meaningful relationships or "break them out of their shells?" Yeah, what losers.

That chinaman's running them cheap shells on me again.

That ol' "Grow-my-beard-into-a-gray-scarf" trick, ay Mr. Jackson? Nope, not fallin' for it. [fires shotgun at computer]

My first thought: isn't that what most A.V. Club posters look like? Then he took his shirt off and I was certain.

To be fair, the sight of a black leather couch spontaneously forming a Frank-sized birthing canal appeared anything but simple…
https://www.youtube.com/wat…

That is some surreal Idiocracy-level shit right there. And to think they have the entire Skynyrd catalog to choose from…

How much the Venn diagram overlaps is a matter of speculation, but I'd agree with anxie in guessing there's a greater number of "don't think too deeply" rubes, especially those who not only dismiss the flag's popularity with hate groups but are presumably ignorant of its official use as a pro-segregation banner by…

Discarded draft: Behold! Our shameless clickbait and youthful army of O'Neal-trained snark-alists have officially vanquished the contemplative dinosaurs who thought they could do better! The Dissolve is dissolved! All Hail O'Neal!!

I just assumed it was for pretentious urbanite girls who have no problem getting men via dozens of tipsy hook-ups, but who mostly end up alone and psychologically damaged. Y'know, like the show.

Used hammer: 50¢

I always thought Atticus being such a paragon of progressive virtue was rather simplistic and arguably too out-of-place in a small Southern backwater. Mockingbird will always be a perfect book for kids, but Watchmen sounds like a good dose of ugly reality for adults, especially those confident in their own lack of…