Yes, we should take a moment to acknowledge the cranked-to-11 awesomeness of that photo. The unabashed smugness, the dripping pride at the hundreds of millions of dollars they've just sunk into the sinking battleship replicas behind them, knowing they can expect to make millions more in return as Americans flock to…

Exactly what alums should not emulate — Wiig's stock was cheapened enough by the time she left from the lazy writers pimping her characters ad naseum. It was sad to see her return to host a few months later just to perform the same hoary crap. [shudders at thought of umpteenth Lawrence Welk sketch]

The Purple Pit & the Rasberry Pendulum

If by "poon," you mean "a brief escape from the wife and 2 little girls", then yes.

No, James Carville.

Norm MacDonald?

When you're coming back to host 16 months after leaving, I'd say having something to plug is a fairly essential pretense.

Someone needs to explain to SNL alums that coming back after just one season away is like a college sophomore strutting around his old high school.

[searches in vain for code booklet, grumbles, halfheartedly begins game like a Genie-less schmuck]

**Dad opens bedroom door, screams, slams door shut again**

His slightly more uptempo performance at Austin City Limits is even better than the album version.

"Doctor Jaaack! I'm no lunatic man; I'm a sane man fighting for his soul!"

This map keeps proving disturbingly accurate:

There sure is, now with more impoverished barrenness enchantment!

It's my humbly Reagan-loving, flag-in-the-front-yard-raising, former Marine father-in-law's birthday. Yes, a perverse part of me enjoys the eternal pall that has been cast over his birthday.

Yep, I reckon the guy with the Nazi-sounding name wins; other guy sounds like a flake.

Kristen Wiig doesn't even look like she could be his cousin, let alone his twin. Michael Shannon should play his twin.

Oh, whoa, wait, what? Why is Rod kissing his sister?
Denise isn't his sister.
She's not?
No.
Oh…That shatters my entire universe.

And yet, for all his supposed intelligence, Cruz is very clearly a totally facile fucktard, offering us the most striking reminder since Dubya that obtuse, blithering pieces of shit can easily obtain multiple Ivy league degrees and just keep failing upward.

You forgot W.