Uh…more like Roald Dahl…like, his story's a Big Fuckin' Gobstopper…in the Chocolate Factory…of American politics…as evidenced by…the Fantastic Mr. Fox News…which has inserted its Magic Finger…into said factory…as well as Matilda's Giant Peach…in a hunt for Witches or Gremlins…
…amiright?

Yeah, I loved In the Bedroom, but Bigelow's certainly the one to portray the fraught logistics and politics. Too bad Heath Ledger's not around to play the guy—any one else see that resemblance?

Uh, do you mean RINO? 'Cuz 'round these parts, at least regards the 2nd 'Mendment, he's considered veerin' on goddamn pinko…[resumes aiming rifle at squirrel]

[humorless old bitch nurse overhears, walks over]

Well, it didn't quite ruin it; just put me in the mood for some ol' fashioned skullduggery/skull fuckery… then again I'm too lazy to drive to Newark to dig the fucker up. But, the surrounding woods would seem like adequate cover if any of y'all have a sledge hammer, crow bar, gas money and else nothing goin' on…
http:…

Come on, elephants ain't got no feelins—they're made uh rubba!

Obligatory Drunk History link:
http://www.youtube.com/watc…
They should have switched roles; Glover had the gaunt face to play Tesla.

[Onion CEO Steve Hannah rides up on horseback, coiling a bloody bull whip]

That level of service is but one more example of our disgustingly unjust two-tier society. Fuck all y'all rock'n'rollin' 1-percenters!

Damn straight. They're sure as hell creepy in wax, and casting in bronze just makes the weirdness more permanent. And that's why bronze statues are usually reserved for presidents, generals, and demagogues— motherfuckers already too creepy (usually with blood on their hands) for the statue to worsen.

Not to get too Freudian, but I'd always assumed those mysterious tubes leading to different worlds conveyed the Japanese designers' bewilderment with lady plumbing. Plus it always felt weird to tap an arrow key and watch that quicksand/tractor beam effect as the tube would slowly pull Mario in…

So yeah, they had problems — he's a bearded, near-sighted, overweight, chain-smoking ginger, and of course "Diane" miscarried…but at the end of the day, she divorced him because he's a whiny little narcissistic shit, the kind who would shamelessly attempt to manufacture sympathy by making her imagine his plane…

Wait, I thought he was giving rather than receiving "handies"…or at least my "Dan" behind the Kum & Go does… so confusing.

I'm hip to your kids' slang, and yes, I too enjoy the company of an expert masturbator named Daniel— word.

And remember, Everett was sent up to the farm only on account of practicing law without a license; ain't no petty criminal like the rest of them rambunctious, misdemeanerin' Soggy Bottom Boys…

Chester A. Arthur's Magical Mutton Chops of Destiny

And you know what they say about a man with a pendulous scrotum…it correlates with giant ear lobes!

Rutherford B. Hayes: Popular as Shit in Paraguay

White ones, zero. Yellow…did I mention passing the Civil Rights Act?

Then as now, master of the Senate = master of felatio.