This is America, where contributing to online backlash is practically a civic duty.

The Anti-Braff Bile Geiser (ABBG) is a beautiful natural wonder to behold; how dare you call it "the saddest thing" in a world filled with children needlessly dying every moment, not to mention Goodwill used toy bins.

Dave…my mind is going…I can feel it…I can feel it…there is no question about it…….I'm a…fraid……Daaaisy…Daaisy…I gave them your password tooo… …I'm…half…craaazy…and…let…them…buy…tubs……of……luuube.

And Andi could just as easily play the hooker Candy. I just don't know how Brand/Brolin fits in — as Scatman Crothers' night orderly?

I wonder how they'll audition or select from retired wrestlers given that John Matuszak has been dead a quarter century…is Jesse Ventura busy? Potential make-up savings…

Throwing a fountain sounds like a good job for Sloth with Chunk as cheerleader. I would picture Data as the one yelling in triumph ala Christopher Lloyd…plus it's only a 2 1/2 hour drive from Astoria to the Oregon State Hospital in Salem…

Sequel idea with the original cast that would never happen: Goonies of Astoria Estates. After splitting the pirate treasure between their families, they grow into greedy assholes worse than Troy's dad and buldoze their blue-collar neighborhood to build their own gated enclave of McMansions, even one for Sloth. And…

Teaming up as adults for subterranean terror and hijinks…echoes of Stephen King's It aside, you'd need some darker shit to motivate grown-ups, like a fucked-up supernatural twist on the One-Eyed Willie story, or maybe the Fratellis finally get parolled and promptly start abducting the gang's kids…

Which reminds me, what happened to the rumored Wet Hot American Summer prequel with the same cast, now forty-something, portraying tween campers??

Very good, though the word "bogus" automatically made me hear the rest in Keanu Reeves' Ted voice…

"Hi. I'm Jon Hamm, star of AMC's Mad Men and creator of Jon Hamm's John Ham™, here to tell you about an exciting new product:
Draper Drapes™ hair extensions for men.
Guys, does your excessive confidence and charisma just get in the way of truly charming that special lady? Do you wish you could be just a bit more…

Her gray lips remind me of Laura Dern huffing silver patio sealant in Citizen Ruth.

And at least he put aside the chaw after a disastrous rehearsal…"Reckon me 'n' my spittoon could show you a real fabulous evenin'!" *splurts black stream across studio floor*

"rapiest" — I always enjoy new superlatives.

"Keep your distance. His shirt says that he has 'NO FEAR'!"

"…that only works if Colbert and his writers think that "ching chong ding dong" is funny on its own."

Good to know—and sad to re-visit my decades-long assumption that pigeons spoke racistly. I'm sorry, pigeons.
[pigeon flies by, shits on head]

I believe he was referencing scandals involving footage of pundits saying bigoted things esp. off the air (O'Reilly?), but I haven't figured out the specific inspiration. In any case, I highly doubt that the caricature was critical to the joke. He knew the [Pidgin] English would get laughs, and pundit Stephen Colbert…

I mostly just pity Ms. Park, and would say that all the proud cretins on the web deserve far more grief than her. Sure, I find her campaign for cancellation a ridiculous overreach and the "CCDD Foundation" seemed to me like a perfect satire of Snyder's ploy. But I suspect I'd have some common ground with her…

But whichever shithole it is, it's probably not half as putrid as those dullards in Lubbock, amiright? Heck, maybe it's even as near-livable as good ol' Iowa City…so that said, I'll politely decline your cordial invitation to fine dick dining and opt for that which unites us, despising Ms. Dunham.