Hey, everyone! Check out Albert Hitchcock over here!

That Steve Johnson guy couldn't be any douchier…

I could be wrong, but it sounds like Peter Serafinowicz is doing the narration…

You'll be dead in a week…

"I hope you and Aunt Beru die in a fire!"

JESSE WINCHESTER HATES CANADA!

Yeah, but yours was properly transcribed. You added the extra "I" in the last sentence…

That's the only type of OCD I recognize!

Where did "Electric Funeral" by Sabbath place?

I love how you think that Josh Radnor is ever going to work again…

Worse.

The one instance where comparing something to the Nazis is entirely justified…

The New Yorker really has gone downhill in recent years, hasn't it?

I was 22 when I first beat up my grandfather…

Your divorce was the result of me giving your wife my sense of purpose and meaning.

That kid's gonna die.

That rapist had three young kids to feed!

The excerpt from Kill Your Friends was pretty bad too…

That should be:

And if you were being sarcastic, I apologize for being so literal-minded…