Well, it's tough when the keyboard keeps getting gummed up with maple syrup.

Does anyone else have irrational hatred of the kids in Welch's juice commercials?

The orchestra pit, in all seriousness, was a really good time in high school. If there's one thing band nerds and orchestra nerds have in common, it's eyerolling contempt for drama nerds. (That and playing musical instruments, I guess.) It was like a mostly hidden, prank-filled pit of sarcastic judgment.

What's the ratio of yes/no answers? How much collective manipulative spitefulness does your typical group of tween girls have?

You know, I'm pretty sure I've never laughed so hard at anything that I literally spewed a beverage out of my mouth. And yet lots of Internet People seem to be constantly drinking while typing and extremely susceptible to uncontrollable spasms of laughter. Am I doing something wrong?

I'm off to sell my idea for a taco and sombrero themed ouija board.

Gender studies is the pink ouija board of majors.

But… but… Ingmar Bergman! Film school!

Lasers.

I guess they made the best choice if they could only pick one killer robot from Futurama, but it's still a shame that there's no Robot Devil, Santa Claws, Richard Nixon's robotic body, Flexo, etc.

I'm a big enough nerd that I hated even the original Matrix just because the entire premise made no fucking sense whatsoever. "Humans as batteries, because it's cloudy all the time" is utterly ridiculous on several different levels*, and it's frustrating when almost nobody else seems to notice or care. Seriously,…

The urban sombrero.

No, Pilgirm. They're separate cities.

Realizing that you are not too cool for the Beach Boys is an important moment in many people's pop music appreciation development.

Ideally, robots should do about 90% of the work of parenting, at all ages. I would show up just enough that they feel the need to strive for my love and approval. Will I give it to them? Who knows. That's up to them, really.

Ben being a badass genius and ultimately being a pathetic nobody are actually not mutually exclusive, if you think about it.

Yeah, seriously. What was the rest of that several thousand pound bomb for, if a part that can be carried around in a backpack is still functional? Just shielding? Shouldn't they all be getting very sick, very quickly?

The whole centuries long struggle and subtle manipulation of events by mysterious god-like entities and so forth ultimately boils down to firsties vs. firsties haters. It was a long time coming, but Jacob eventually did die in a fire. Totally worth it, Blackie. Totally worth it.

I'm having a hard time imagining caring what cover looks like. I mean, are you planning on hanging it on your wall?

Which one do you think died in women's clothing?