Can I just use this opportunity to state how much I hate the term "equal-opportunity offender"? It's just some bullshit, almost always self-applied label used by people like Ned Mencia or Parker & Stone who throw in a few token soft jabs against their own race as an excuse to base their whole schtick on outmoded…

Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon… with nail polish. These fucking amateurs…

I guess Vampire Weekend is just one of those bands that is so hyped in the press that anyone with any opinion whatsoever about them feels they have to defend it to the extreme. Kind of like how my initial reaction to In Rainbows was mere indifferent boredom, but then I heard the critical response to it and suddenly…

Yes, actually, I saw it for sale in a sex shop in Columbus, the one that's next to a sex shop and another sex shop.

There were several different factions of early Christians debating about the philosophies and teachings of Jesus. If there never were such a person, I think it would have made a lot more sense for each different group to just claim someone else as the Messiah, but the fact that they all brought their arguments back…

Now make yourself at home. Perhaps a glass of Bordeaux? I have the '82 Chateau Latour and a rather indifferent Rausan-Segla.

Well, that's exactly the problem, isn't it? Even progressive, liberal types feel bound to the man-asks-woman-with-a-ring model.

I was thinking zombie Billy Mays. Half of my tattered shirt will be clean and feature the OxiClean logo; the other half will say "Other Leading Detergent" and still be stained with blood and spinal fluid.

I must disagree with the notion that Bob Barker's cameo was out of character - on one episode of TPIR, a contestant tried to take his microphone to answer a question. Bob jerked it away and said, "Don't touch that. I'll break your arm."

The Pickup Artist as Ted Bundy.

He deserved to get his shoes took
I'll be honest, all I know about Shyne comes from the Boondocks strips where Huey encourages Riley to take up an activist cause and Riley stands on the sidewalk with a "FREE SHYNE" sign and a white guy thinks he's offering to shine his shoes. That is all.

If food is supposed to go in my mouth, why does vomit come out? ANSWER THAT MISTER TOP CHEF

Happy belated Rosh Hashana, Bridge!

"Plus the fact that nothing has ever been done by the government that hasn't been done better by the private sector."

By the same rules that say stupider isn't a word, funner and funnest are words. But funnier and funniest aren't. Pick your poison.

I hope to see a photograph of Sean Connery signed by Roger Moore in the background.

But who
is replacing Ernest to voice Slinky? I mean, um… shit. I honestly can't remember his name. Ernest.

Please register that name and become a one-note gimmick poster. Used sparingly in just the right situations, that could honestly be pretty funny.

War Childe Harold: It's OK, you can say "cunt" on the internet. See, look:

"How a guy can have three shows with the same basic concept on the same channel is beyond my understanding."