I'm pretty sure her daddy didn't teach her any songs, since he refuses to admit she's his daughter. Unless he has in the last few years. I don't know, I haven't paid attention. And if he has, I doubt he taught her Everley Bros. songs.

No, no. It's just a stroke.

That's Sugar Tits to you, buddy.

I used to work in a public library, and we always had to stop guys from jacking off in the computing area.

He just heard what happened to the first Titanic.

I am my own grandma!

Apparently they're getting married. I'm still trying to figure out where she is on the autism spectrum.

Great. Two more weeks of commercials.

You were raised in a bar?

FOX EYES.

Tension of the sexual nature.

I had a bad reaction to ibuprofen. Now, none of my pants fit.

Happy birthday! I also don't look or feel my age, but I'm deteriorating in other ways.

He looks like Mr. Clean now!

I bet you're just a rich girl because you've gone too far.

I think about Pusher a lot when I'm in my car. "Cerulean blue."

And it turned out the actor was just as creepy!

Because of those books, I will forever know when someone is cheating in an egg-spinning contest.

Or blowhards.

It makes me want to hug each and every one of you magnificent AVC commenting bastards.