Great. Now I have Angelina Jolie from "The Changeling" yelling in my head.

Michigan coyotes look like mangy dogs with posture issues. I hate them because they leave animal parts in the park next door.

My husband is getting the starts of a pimple right on the end of his nose. I don't think I made him feel better when I said I look like WC Fields.

And it makes the next owner hate you. That's what they did in my house. They had even wallpapered the ceiling. And there was carpet in the kitchen. I have newspapers from 1948 because they used them as padding under these weird floor tiles. The kitchen cupboards were covered in linoleum.

@avclub-fec1b8d3fbc08f27a84e5a334d45bb5a:disqus Their huge eyes pretty much clinch it.

Good lord, that show was awful. That and the Napoleon Dynamite cartoon. Those were dark days in animation.

Drinking at work leads to weird things.

Dave Matthews? Is that you?

We were honeymooning in Belize and took in a "Monk" marathon.

I get enough penis helicoptering at home.

NCIS/AHS: More Boats, More Man-Ass

"I think someone is out to get me…"

My dad let me take sips off his PBR when I was 3 years old (there is photographic evidence) and he smokes Swisher Sweets. He is nothing, if not a class act.

It was an old Triumph. It was big enough. The boobs were pretty much the focus of the painting.

Yes, the mammal.

My dad bought a motorcycle that had a painting of a topless woman chained to a bat that was flying over a cemetery on it.

But she's in a van, too! Oh, I guess that's a natural part of "seduction" for you.

Too bad those were black pants, Al.

/just says "fuck the underwear" and leaves

@JudgeReinhold:disqus Maybe. Apparently I missed the part I'm supposed to raise my kids as Catholic (thankfully I'm not having any), I was just focused on not setting myself on fire from the stupid candles.