My husband who is generally down with the linguity, thought they were literally mixing the heroin with frozen water. It was adorable.

Never go to a Mexican pirate show. Unless you're into that kind of thing.

We were just coming up with gross shit.

Pretty sure that's why they had to close.

If it's clear, it's your window to weight gain!

*poops on stairs*

You mean Hamm & Buble?

Just at work yesterday we were discussing a Pepto Bismol / vodka cocktail.

"Do you know how hard it is to read?"

Huh, I always do it in a canoe. I thought that's how it's supposed to be done.

I'm sad that John Cusack looks like Ted from HIMYM.

Are you my husband? I thought you didn't have computer access at work!

We are only accepting NKOTB reunion concerts at this time. Get with the boy band nostalgia, people.

Scruffy believes in this company

Fetal suicide: We'll allow it

"How's your sex life?"

Those things happened, but I can't remember if they happened at the same time. I just remember that they killed a baby with a mailbox bomb and that they were forced to have sex as children for the girl's porno dad. And the brother from My Name Is Earl was there for some reason.

Hey, Fatty! I've got a movie for ya: A Fridge Too Far!

He always does such great research and he always seems genuine when interacting with the actor and even with commenters.

I'm friends with a couple who are a Bob and an Alice. Whenever I see them, i always think of Gould's Simpson's cameo where he's punching Homer and saying "Say hello to Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice."