It was a long-a battle, but I finally got another-a ding-a-ling on-a-de show. I tell-a you how it-a go, like I will-a tell-a my grandchildren when they are not busy with-a they Skypes and Nontendro PSes.

I put that-a suggestion in-a-da suggestion box every day. Executive say," 'Ey, Giuseppe, stop-a makin' all-a these suggestion box!"

Eh, is a-like this: I save up-a all-a my money, I do work for-a my no good brother-in-law. There is a man, I hit him in-a the face with a hammer. I cry a lot about it. I scrub-a my skin in-a-da shower trying to-a get-a-da blood off. I scrub so hard, I make-a myself bleed. Is boring story.

All-a de time I hear-a the HBO executive talk about-a this-a torrent. So, I ask-a my daughter, " 'Ey-a, daughter, you is a molto bene with-a the computer. What is this-a torrent. Is a Pinterest?" And she-a say, "Oh, papa, you are-a so stupid. Is-a why you clean toilet and-a hose down Jeff Garlins. Torrent is-a like…

I-a found-a Amy Poehler's Italiano accent to-a be-a molto offensive. I'm-a gonna write to-a NBC and complain about this a-very racist show.

Yeah, you dumb cane. Why you do this. You-a no funny. You jokes is-a no funny. Maybe if-a you speech-to-a-text program was a no so delicato you wouldn't-a be so weird. Maybe if you-a no have Chinese keyboard and could-a jus type with-a you dumb dog dog hands.

…Yeah…why is a dog talkin'-a like-a me. Is fishy. Probably just some-a dumb gimmick account of-a somebody. Is-a no Giuseppe, we can all agree. Is a no Giuseppe a-no way, a-no how!

I'ma da Patton Oswalt. I use-a my fake Hollywood voice on-a my comedy and-a da podcasts I appear on.

Che macello! You opinion, I disagree! Now I chase-a you around the room, but you too quick for me! I run in-a so many circles I get dizzy. Oh no! I step in a bucket and it is stuck on-a my foot! Get offa my foot you bucket! Now, I'm-a trippin on this here roller skates. Now, I'm on my bottom and some-a how spaghetti…

Che macello! You opinion, I disagree! Now I chase-a you around the room, but you too quick for me! I run in-a so many circles I get dizzy. Oh no! I step in a bucket and it is stuck on-a my foot! Get offa my foot you bucket! Now, I'm-a trippin on this here roller skates. Now, I'm on my bottom and some-a how spaghetti…

Uffa!, you-a so frustrating! You antagonize me! We can-a no possibly be same person!

Uffa!, you-a so frustrating! You antagonize me! We can-a no possibly be same person!

Hey, who a-letta this dog in here? Is internet! Is-a NO PLACE FOR DOGS! Shoo, dog, I don't-a care if you review things while you-a think about-a the greater context of the story and rolling in mud.

Hey, who a-letta this dog in here? Is internet! Is-a NO PLACE FOR DOGS! Shoo, dog, I don't-a care if you review things while you-a think about-a the greater context of the story and rolling in mud.

If I win award maybe my 12 children will finally a-be a-proud of me. Maybe the ghost of my dead father will stop trying to a-give-a me one last kiss.

If I win award maybe my 12 children will finally a-be a-proud of me. Maybe the ghost of my dead father will stop trying to a-give-a me one last kiss.

I think I'm-a gonna really like-a dis season. I would go into-a the meetings where the men make-a the decisions and they say, "No, no, Giuseppe we-a no-a need-a clean right now. Stop spraying you a cheap, streaky knock-off of-a the Windexs on those framed pictures of Mr. Brian Benben." And then I say, "No, is okay.…

I think I'm-a gonna really like-a dis season. I would go into-a the meetings where the men make-a the decisions and they say, "No, no, Giuseppe we-a no-a need-a clean right now. Stop spraying you a cheap, streaky knock-off of-a the Windexs on those framed pictures of Mr. Brian Benben." And then I say, "No, is okay.…

My name is-a no Alesandro, is…Oh, okay, I get on it right away.

My name is-a no Alesandro, is…Oh, okay, I get on it right away.