"Maybe CNN has discovered some other, more straightforward way to find out what Trump’s thinking at any given moment?" That's easy - at any given moment Trump is not thinking at all.

I like the dildo idea, but why not combine Dan`s and DILDO's suggestions? Go out and buy one with a portion of the profits going to an appropriate organization, then send your old, used dildo to the Donald.

Funny, Trump has nothing bad to say about Vladimir Putin.

Of course, everyone knows that "innuendo" is Italian for anal sex.

He gets tired of people telling him what to do.

Well. . . if certain creatures in a galaxy far, far away had been born with original sin, then the son of God would have come to cleanse them of their sins. And, we all know Who that would be, now don't we? The only uncertainty is whether Wookies would become true believers.

That was a nose ring? After it disappeared, I said to myself, "Damn good thing they got rid of that dripping snot."

I'm thinking these 20% never really wanted Sanders in the first place. They just wanted NOT Clinton, and they'll continue with that now that Trump is the Clinton opposition.

When you need glasses.

"After months of testing, opthamalogists finally found the corroborating factor between the two cases: It only happened after the boys laid on their sides in bed and wanked their bones in the dark." That's how it was told to me as I approached puberty.

How about this: you pick the show and Ticketmaster gives you a discount equal to the value of the voucher? I wish people would realize how goddam smart and practical I am.

The ruling opens it up for the state of California to sue Randy Wolfe for stealing its name.

"Oh,my Aitkenhead!" - James Franco

After years of therapy, psychotherapy, EST, Stuart Smalley, I've finally found the program that confirms what I've been thinking all along. . .

No so. They're asking how to smoke salmon to get high, as in roll a salmon doobie.

Only if Quentin Tarantino directs.

Shorten it to A Very Bad Band and you might attract some interest.

Alzheimer's is not funny. Unless it happens to a clown.

I've always pegged Cruz with a Cronenberg prosthetic.

Can you really call it a "band" if there's only two of them?