I love almost every form of shitty American Chinese food, and I still can't eat at Panda Express.

This is all a huge distraction from Pizzagate and how Hillary Clinton murdered Seth Rich with her bare hands.

No, it's cool, Russia has a rich vibrant press, and Wikileaks doesn't have anyone who speaks Russian, so there's nothing Julian Assange can do, you know?

You just know there's some weird gender fluid shit on there.

Were people this angry when Amy Poehler was playing him on SNL?

Let's just say it moved him….

If you're going to make something this tacky, you better be John Water.

We elected the wrong Carter…

Next up - a ketchup filled burger that bleeds out of its whatever.

Yeah, he had the kind (neuroendocrine tumor) that's easily curable in its early stages.

Steve Jobs is a shining example of how stupid smart people can be when they decide that their intelligence makes them an expert on everything.

Corporations are at their most effective when they spread themselves out as thinly as possible.

I'm still genuinely mad at Taco Bell for testing out that fried chicken biscuit taco for breakfast and then deciding not to keep it.

I really, really hope I never reach such a nadir in life that I need shower beer.

Pictured above - Elizabeth Moss's "I'm acting so hard!" face.

That moderator MLove41 kept kicking him off.

The original Chicago Sunroof.

It would have been such a fucking eyesore in Chicago. It's not like LA can get any uglier, so this seems appropriate.

Don't forget weird conspiracy theory "documentaries!"

Jenna Bush Fails Turing Test