I would imagine Sean Penn is the kind of guy who doesn't make his partner come, then lectures them about famine in Senegal or something afterwards.

And her parents are - GASP - Republicans!!!

The worst part is, life isn't a Woody Allen movie, so I don't have a buxom undergrad student with no personality to fuck my ennui into.

I thought my wife and I had a good marriage, but then I realized she hasn't been to any of the great capitals of Europe since we got married. Come to think of it, I don't think she's been to any of the lesser ones either.

Ooooooh, good pick.

I have actually actively thought about what my hatesong would be and why.

"Even as they got older and put out Nimrod and Warning—those albums are still very much Green Day growing up, but they’re still Green Day. But after Warning and coming up with this whole “new look” and this album that was supposed to be a big rock opera, it just fell so flat with me."

Goddamn that's amazing.

Don't forget the mentally ill!

Freddy Mercury was in retrograde then, which I think contributed.

Nancy Reagan cured AIDS.

That's the only kind I can get.

Oh, you might want to have that looked at. Could be the early signs of a neurodegenerative disorder.

It's a better idea than that Bewitched remake, anyway.

"Perhaps you would like to explain to [families] how this disease is suitable material for a comedy."

Morgan Spurlock directed it? I can only assume he somehow spends 60% of the running time in front of the camera instead of behind it.

Finding out about the back room at the ironically named Family Video.

The Blair Witch Project. I saw it at the Main Art Theatre in Royal Oak, MI, before it was widely released. That movie was such a big cultural moment in 1999, that first real viral marketing campaign for a movie, and it was fun to see it at a preview screening in old, packed theater.

The problem with that strategy is that it would have required Rodney Stuckey to hit an outside jumper.

I guess Cruz looks more like a partially deflated volleyball than an overcooked pot roast. Fair enough.