Sweet, bro. This article is about ten or fifteen years too late, but hot takes.

Franzia Chillable Red. Not great, but it's decent enough and it's like $12 for 5 fucking liters. I'm a wine guy who's constantly broke. You can't beat that value.

Sorry to hear that, man. Hope it all checks out. I'm pretty wasted currently, myself. And thinking back fondly on Cow Tails. Those were a real childhood, Little League staple. I'd eat the fuck out of some Cow Tails right now.

It's the best one. That's why they made it second.

So not Porky's, then?

I don't know, Alien Jesus. I watched all of Lynch's stuff recently and the only thing I remember about Dune is that I repacked my bong a bunch of times.

I just think it's two dudes who are way into each other and the relationship is never really sexual (although Freddie does incorporate the processing into his first post-breakup sexual encounter at the very end of the movie, so that's maybe something, I don't know), but it's a hell of a lot more than just two friends.…

Hey, you want a skinless apple, bud?

I feel like The Master is mostly a movie about dudelove, but that's why I love it.

Or what PTA could have done with RDJ!

I just hope they never stop working together.

I bought a copy of Salo on DVD at this local place a few years ago and the guy working behind the counter just looked at the cover and went, "This looks fucked up." Like, he didn't even try to candycoat it.

"We've got plenty of crime on the high seas, Lieutenant."

Maybe I was in too much of a stupor from having just rewatched The Thin Red Line and The New World when I first watched Knight Of Cups recently, but I swear that movie was like 85% beautiful actors wandering around mansions.

I own a copy of the book, but I still haven't read it. The movie's great, though. It's hilarious and dense and hazy in a good way, but it also contains some of the best dramatic scenes of PTA's career (I think the climatic sex scene is probably one of the three or four best things he's ever filmed) and I think Jonny…

I love The Five Obstructions and it was probably the most fun I had watching anything of von Trier's when I watch through his filmography last year, but I think it works best as a comedy. Like, von Trier brings on this guy who he looks at as a mentor and gives him all these roadblocks and then just constantly acts…

Had a bit of a stoned weekend and rewatched Inherent Vice for like the twentieth time and watched all of High Maintenance for the first time. HM is amazing and almost certainly the best weed-centric entertainment I've ever watched (the scene of the two new teachers smoking a one-hitter, the one teacher getting a bunch…

No movie or TV show makes my palms sweat like The Thick Of It.

Yeah, I caught parts of the earlier movies during this part Christmas on ABC Family and they were great, and so I decided to rewatch the entire series and David Yates sucks all of the magic out of the franchise.

Will & Grace was maybe the staple for me during my parents' divorce and my sole regret about that as of this moment is that I wasn't of drinking age,