By 8th grade, I'd moved out of fanfiction (a few years before I'd aped the mannerisms of Brian Jaques into some thought-provoking chapters about the Bionicles), and had moved well into the realm of filling notebooks with page after troubling page of swords. Big ones, small ones, interesting shapes, sometimes held by,…

Xena is the obviously correct answer. It's hard to stay disappointed in the world when you can watch Bruce Campbell be the King of Thieves with a Heart of Gold.

2 things Ohio does well: marching bands and astronauts.

Eh, call me when you got Funky Phantom.

Fuckin' Halloween Tree, man. Why ain't the AV Club ever talk about Halloween Tree?

I'm siding with the drummer on principle. First off, he's a drummer, so his life is already a mess, also he has to listen to everyone's lame Drummer Jokes, and now he has to sell his drums.

She would be if she showered and ditched her "South Shall Rise Again" tramp stamp.

ON THE OTHER HAND

And then at the end, it turns out Kevin Smith was a femme fatale lying to get their money! In a series of twists and nightmares, Kevin Smith convinces Harvey to murder Bob, and then Smith pulls a knife from his own immaculate hair.

What if I yell, "I want to fuck you, non-sexually," adjust myself, and then do something sex-offender-y with my eyebrows?

"Man, I hate getting reservations at places. The Maitre d is all 'Spartacus?' and then EVERY TIME…"

The Spartacus Show sounds like a conceptually challenging late night venture.

We don' take kindly ta YORE type roun' these parts. How's about you jess mosey on out, unhitch yer horse, an' git?

Does seem to be the gist of it, yeah. Or he's saying that it's well-churned.

Eh, I was sad to see Demonoid go, warts and all.

I'm kind of a fan. I think it can lend things a sense of immediacy, and it provides a more organic reason to focus on some things and not others. Conventional horror movies have some annoying camerawork that makes me think, "Jesus, you're just looking away from the thing for no reason except to not show me what's…

I dunno. I watched the first three on my own one Halloween. I lived in an old house as the time, and afterwards, I had a few days where I had to make sure all my doors were closed tight before I could sleep. There are a couple good, genuinely kind of thrilling bits in them.

No Will Friedle? I'm out.

Overrated? Yeah, strictly in the sense that he doesn't live up to the hype.

How can you avoid calling someone not very talented and then compare him to Dane Cook?