Wouldn't it be funny if, like, five heating vents all started talking and killed this guy?

You fool, it's obviously Jason.

Makin' fun of spurious lawsuits?

"This movie's dedication to challenging the status quo of success and integrity will blow your mind/change your life/remind you that the 90s happened and were better than other time periods;" a review aggregated by Buzzfeed.

Yeah, but convert that troy ounce into pounds sterling, then the pounds sterling into rupees, then the rupees into rubles, then the rubles into yen, then the yen into yuan, then the yuan into chickens, then the chickens back into troy ounces, then the troy ounces into Trobriander status yams, then the Trobriander…

Ahah, but isn't it true that you can use money to buy additional money?

Does it HAVE to be dog treats, or can it be for…other ideas?

Well, it's like he says, playing the bad guy is a gazillion times more fun.

Why would you feel embarrassed about listening to one of the greatest lost love songs of all time?

The first two are punchable offenses in their own right. The last one doesn't make me angry, just…disappointed. A beard should never be ironic. I should say, though, that people who tell me that they're being 'ironic' are also punchable, beards or no.

If it files the proper immigration paperwork, I don't see any reason why it can't be.

Eeeeehhhhh speaking as a pretty liberal guy, the desire to punch some of the liberals I see at rallies is a perfectly natural reaction.

Okay, keep in mind that the blood of the Kaiju is like, CRAZY toxic, so you want to avoid splashing and spraying it all over the place if you can at all avoid it.

They…They can transform into other things, too!

Or Clint Eastwood in 'The Eiger Sanction'?

Yeah, but a woman probably doesn't have the vulnerable symbol of her sexual maturity carefully grasped in hand while she's on the elevator, unless I missed some pretty important life lessons about elevator etiquette.

"Okay, now we're going to do the same speech, but this time it turns out Gotham city was built on the site of an ancient alien outpost, and Bruce, in the guise of…which one are we on?"

I like to imagine Thomas Wayne walking into his lawyer's office with a list of predictions and a tape recorder after a night of tripping balls to see the future. It's just an annual tradition at this point.

I think it was a great movie, as long as you take it as a serious interpretation of the big dumb comic events of the 90s.

I basically only like his music articles, and even then it's hit/miss.