So you're saying you have an alternative to her shirt for scrubbing her teeth?

I thought it was customary for the homies to keep their sword fights on the down low. Not broadcast them on twitter.

Perhaps he'll do a video where he dresses up as other celebrities and appears in hilarious skits. An appearance by Dr. Dre would also help keep things amusing.

What about AFI? I always thought they seemed like some seriously pathetic mopey fuckers. And that generally fits my description of emo. Of course, I'll be the first to admit emo is not really my bag baby.

Which will be first - a Warren Zevon retrospective or a Paul Schaffer vanity project?

Kilborn. Look at the Daily Show now Craig. You totally McLean Stevensoned yourself there didn't you.

One thing is for sure, if it's on the History Channel they are going to find a way to shoehorn Hitler or Nostradamus or both into this.

Any father worth his salt knows that taking your cute kid to Hooters gets you extra attention.

Speaking of making games into movies, has anyone optioned Cornhole yet?

"This guy looks at me, almost starts crying, and says, 'Hey, I'm trying to stay in character.' I was, 'Well, your character's about to get his ass beat.'"

I thought they diagnosed

Use a fake name because trust me, afterward there is no bigger pain in the ass than a sobered up, just snaked, total brazen hussy.

This dolphin

Amen sister!

Patton Oswalt

I'd like to do my impression of him in the back of that bus with Kid Rock. I just need to find a couple of slutty groupies to help me get into character.

In a strange twist, according to that recent Rolling Stone interview Billy Corgan is actually living in some guy's back shed.

That's what I call

Faygo Rock & Rye is pretty good stuff. Been ages since I had any. Hey juggalos, help a brother out here.

There's a fine line between fear and common sense. I don't fear eating a live cockroach, I just don't see the point.