Doesn't she have pretty nipples… errrr dimples.

My name is Tatiana. My father died in the mines in my village, so he was already buried when he died. We were all buried there. Buried under the soil of Russia. That is why I left, to find a better life.

Nah, Locke will simply demand a handy and then jam a pistol up Ben's ass to ensure there's no shenanigans during the process.

Screw this trend. I'm reversing things and coming out with cupcake-flavored vices instead. Check your local liquor store for Adolph's cupcake-flavored schnapps, cupcake-flavored cigarettes, and cupcake-flavored chewing tobacco. Go around back to the alley for more exotic choices like my special recipe…

That looks like an Ice Cream Castle to me.

Screw MJ, the Beatles were more popular the Jesus.

I wonder

With a little luck, this might be the most enjoyably awkward Oscars ever…

He also mentioned Emerson Lake and Palmer. He's definitely got all the shit.

I have heard of the Dogon…

I give it

I hate him for taking the Tonight Show back from Conan.

I wouldn't fuck that putrid old hag with [insert any part of your anatomy you wish].

Welcome to the Make an Overly Earnest Expression competition everyone.

Jamie Foxx

I had the same idea for a product like this only mine was women's legs and it was going to be marketed primarily in Silicon Valley.

My Name is Khan???

There is something special that comes from the tactile experience of reading an old paperback - or any real book for that matter. You read a little and then realize you may have overlooked a point so you hold your place while flipping back a couple of pages and rereading, then jump right back to where you left off. …

The Condom Father's name is Jimmy - hence he's the only one wearing a hat.

Oh yeah, here's a link to the original story…