So was I.

It takes a very steady hand…
BZZT!
Oops! Butterfingers!
You know who was a rocket scientist? Werner Von Braun, of I Aim For The Stars (But Mostly Hit London) fame.

Damn you, I almost had!

Yep, that's the hyper-delusional fucktard part.

It's factual, but hardly nasty. He didn't refer to Dr. Carson as a House Negro once.

If they live in Louisiana or Mississippi, they sure as fuck aren't Hillbillies. Now, is this a Snapper we're talking about, here?

The funniest bit I every saw Dana Carvey do was Jimmy Stewart as a dark, William-Boroughs-like beat writer shacked up with a 15 year old prostitute in Mexico. It was genuinely hilarious.

"Umm, they're even better when you're dead!"

Kevin Pollack is the only respectable impressionist, and that's just part of his stand-up skill set.

You've got knock off the self-harm.

That "I think it'd go a little something like this" is a legally mandated warning for people to get out of earshot in most states.

This is a recipe for sadness.

Well, everyone you know, including yourself, are mouth-breathing fucking morons.

You totally stole Houston Stuart Chamberlin's and Karl Luger's whole acts, you fucking hack!

AAAIIIEEE…

Thanks, I'll check it out!

This has the smegmatic stench of Koch all over it.

Nope. You're an ass-end Gen-Exer.

Before then fine penmanship was, along with literacy and numeracy, a valuable job skill and not all that common. It was beaten into you with a ruler, whether you went to a public school, a parochial school or a yeshiva. It was something you needed to get ahead. It's becoming obsolete and artisanal.
These days, maybe…

"She's giving you HIV, HPV and Hepatitis A, B, and C. There are reasons we don't fuck anymore, you idiot."