Well, having ones younger than you would be weird, to be completely honest.

"The name's B'stard."

[Cut to Kool-Aid Man pouring bottles of scotch into himself, turning brown]
"OH, NO! KOOL-AID MAN DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT SHIT!"

Funniest Thing I Ever Overheard In College: "Hey, some asshole stole my business ethics textbook!"

We found out our new-to-us Nissan complains about the cold.
Whenever it's below freezing, LOW OUTSIDE TEMPERATURE appears on the data screen and stays there. I think it's trying to guilt us into building a garage. EDIT for illiteracy.

At least you two weren't shouting "Of Cock!" at complete strangers. That could have led to Helping The Police With Their Inquiries.

I now understand what a riding is, so I'm a less ignorant Yankee. Hooray for Canada! Too bad about the NDP.

If they don't return it, stab 'em! You can never have too many knives. ;-)

That's really the only thing of his you need to read, IMO.

You might like to try Winder's Germania as well. He's a very pleasant stylist with a real breadth and depth of knowledge.

Felipe Fernadez-Armesto's Our America: A Hispanic History of the United States, which provides an excellent corrective to the Anglo-centric perspective, and Philip Blom's Fracture: Life & Culture In The West 1918-1938. Both are excellent.

That's a smeller, Lupin. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you at least get some fun medications like codeine cough syrup. What's the point of being stoned out of your nut if your going to cough?

That's an awfully generous technique, except in certain niche communities.
Say, Savage Love is coming up soon! ;-)

I didn't say we were going to get involved. Just watch.
[zoologist reaches for lotion]

They're using rulers. Rookie mistake. You use a tape measure.

[tranquilizer dart, GPS collar]
We're going to observe your breeding habits.

Will, that was a brilliantly vicious little article and I'm proud of you!
Plus you didn't mention more careful screening for perverts at all.

You have to have a 7% solution for the drowsiness that causes.

You magnificent bastard!

"Did Mr. Rogers ever tell you about the time he tore three Nips' throats out with his teeth?"