I mean, if Betty and Jughead were giving Alice the stinkeye for interrupting their makeout session then, just imagine all the places she's gonna pop up going forward.

That Alice might become a reporter for THE SCHOOL PAPER is exactly the sort of nonsense I tune into Riverdale for

I have a theory about what's going down next week that I *really* hope pans out.

New York—Montreal isn't too far away, and Josie mentioned winning the Rockland County Battle of the Bands.

MISSED OPPORTUNITY
THAT'S IT, I'M DONE WITH THIS SHOW

Episode 10 is the most likely candidate for football team shenanigans. Betty throws Jughead a surprise 16th birthday party at Archie's house, Cheryl gets wind of it and decides to cause trouble. Most likely involving siccing Chuck and Reggie on Jughead as a Sweet Sixteen present.

They've confirmed that the killer will be revealed this season. We're supposed to find out who it is in episode 12.

Oh, totally. Polly and Jason were into some fucked-up shit and Polly's left behind trying to mold the narrative into one where she gets to be the good girl.

You know, the longer this show goes without a deep dive into the actual contents of Archie's brain, the more plausible that seems.

Yeah, not to mention the whole bizarre and jarring transition from "Hey, we're gonna go to this bar and look for those gangsters who beat up Moose. If ANYTHING seems off, call Kevin's dad immediately, okay?" straight into "SO YOU LIKE TO BEAT UP KIDS, HUH????" throwdown.

Uhh… according to the episode 9 preview, with remarkable ease. And Cheryl.

I was worried that the writers had gotten too ambitious by having a full ensemble cast, like full comics-level cast, and I'm starting to think they are. They waste time on stupid shit like variety shows and cut scenes at the cost of character development. Don't get me wrong—Josie and the Pussycats are fresh as HELL.…

Alice definitely feels like a Carrie-esque character, like she did something bad or weird in high school and no one among the adults has ever forgotten it even though it's never discussed. From the way the other parents talk to and about her in early episodes, they either hate her (Penelope) or pity and tolerate her…

How much did I miss this show? This fucking EXTRA AS SHIT DRAMATIC MESS.

You may be replying to the wrong person, because I've never said he's hopelessly in love with her, but he is very much into her. He's less guarded around Betty, which is a pretty big deal for someone who has to live behind plated armor to survive the daily indignities of being the bullied outsider. This is a kid who'd…

Her line about not being nervous but grateful and how Betty was her guardian angel rang so schmaltzy and false. I thought she was grateful for the Blossoms for whatever black magic shit they got her into.

Jughead's been reading Kafka's Metamorphosis in the Harry Potter hostel.

I hold out a strong hope that once the Polly situation starts to settle a bit, Betty won't have that as a distraction and will focus more on this thing with Jughead.

I think Jason was killed and then turned into a zombie as part of a dark ritual, and the torture signs are actually part of his supernaturally-powerful struggle to break free of his captivity. Someone finally had to make the call to put him down because the ritual didn't go quite right, and whoever did it is out in…

Ulta's going to be getting MAC this summer, so they're probably dead to her now too for becoming so accessible.